November 19, 2007
-
Curbing my Queuing Enthusiasm, Faded Rock Star Sex Offenders & HUGE Vaginas
I swear, I’m turning into Larry David. I mean, I’ve always identified with him, despite the fact that I’m hardly a balding Jewish millionaire. The guy’s a genius though, and I’ve followed his career since before even the early Seinfeld days. I had an experience in Old Navy today, that reminded me of a Curb Your Enthusiasm episode that aired a couple of months ago.
In episode #53:
Waiting in line at the perfume store, Larry grows anxious and tries to
second guess which line will move faster, switching back and forth with
another man. But the woman in front of him holds things up when she
tries different samples, and the man who’d been behind him, moves to
the front of the other line and snags the last bottle of Cheryl’s favorite perfume. Enraged, Larry causes a scene in the store…
So today, I’m waiting in this ridiculous line at Old Navy, and I’m finally at the front. The next available cashier is within grasp!
All of a sudden this obnoxiously perky store manager comes to the front of the line and announces, “Attention valued customers, our research indicates that we can serve you faster with multiple lines instead of one line, so please just pick the cashier of your choice.” (I’m not even making this shit up…that’s what this crazy bitch said! “Our research”??? Are you fucking kidding me??).So, before anyone started moving to their respective cashier lines, I pulled a Larry David. I said loudly, “Please don’t anyone move”. I then addressed the Navy Nazi (no Cargo Pants for you!!), and told her “I GUARANTEE you that you are wrong, and that your lines will NOT move faster this way.” She said, “Well tell that to our District Office…”.
I was about to go into the finer points of queue management with this Machiavellian Hoodie Hoe, when the next cashier opened up.
(If they really wanted multiple lines then why the line aggregator??) I decided to fight this battle another day, but at least I stood my ground and let her know how absurd the whole concept was.If I’m going to be waiting in multiple lines at Old Navy it had better be with sailors!
Then the day got even stranger. I went to Trader Joe’s to buy some gnocchis for dinner. As I walked in, I saw the store manager arguing with this crazy looking dude. The guy was very agitated, and yelling things like “Do you know who I am??” Frankly, I had no clue who he was, but in that outfit, he was either famous or crazy (or both). So, in my best Gladys Kravitz impersonation. I hid behind the bananas, and discreetly snapped a cell phone photo:
As the yelling intensified, the store manager threatened to call the police. The Phil Spector doppelganger became increasingly irritated. Then it got juicy. The store manager said that if the police came, he would be arrested for sexual harassment! At this point the Kevin Croninesque rock lobster, said “Go ahead call the police!”, and when the store manager walked off to do just that, I slipped behind the Two Buck Chuck, and snapped the faded hipster’s hasty exit (tear in jeans and all).
Only in Hollywood!
I was going to drive downtown tonight to try to get some photos from the red carpet at the American Music Awards, but I’ve got a ton of laundry to do. So I’ll leave you with one of my favorite Larry David moments (the old, huge vagina bit)! I’m heading to Portland tomorrow. Have a great Thanksgiving week everyone!
Comments (7)
perhaps what you describe is why CA is referred to as the land of fruit and nuts! – lol. loved the vid. RYC, what we need to remember is that there are 10s of thousands of priests, who along with teachers, scoutmasters, ministers, coaches, neighbors, and family members who devote themselves to educating, mentoring, supporting, and caring about young people who never get even the slightest mention in the media for all the good they bring to this world. but let anyone one of those people fail in their responsibilities and the media makes it sound like every person in that catagory is an evil pervert that needs to be feared at all costs. teachers seem to be the latest victims in the greedy media’s cross hairs. Take what you hear with a grain of salt and remember the work of the other 99.9% peace, Al
RYC: Oh god… Hairspray music… uhhhh… I wanted to watch that movie… but then, I realized how ugh the music was and didn’t. =P Sorry, I’m a bit emo… in the sense that I’m always depressed and I like depressing music. At least I don’t cut myselt? *shrugs* Hahaha. I prefer my depressing music, it actually keeps me strong and independent. No need for attention whoring when I have my depressing music.
ryc: ya, i actually watch all those crap.
What you doing for thanksgiving? Hope you have the best one ever. Judi
Only in Hollywood indeed! Wish you happy and safe trip to Portlad.
Ryc: Thanks for your comments. I will be in Hong Kong over the Thanksgiving weekend.
Dude what’s up with the sailor pic! You like Asian dudes don’t you?? HOw about you come dressed as a construction worker when we meet?
Oh sorry I can’t access my PC from here, so no pictures, and your e-mail is stuck on my home computer. Pics when I get back!