December 5, 2007
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Lobotomizing My Childhood – Ho Ho Ho
I got a call today from my friend Melissa. She works at a local grocery store, and she was incensed because her company had just distributed a memo saying they were no longer “allowed” to wish customers a “Merry Christmas”, opting instead for the more generic “Happy Holidays”. This time of year always makes me think of “The War on Christmas” (a term cleverly coined by Stephen Colbert).As Americans, it is our sacred duty each Christmas to buy cheap crap for relatives we find annoying. This is what our Lord has commanded. Thus, when entering a discount retail store to commit this sacrament,we should be greeted by underpaid wage-slaves thusly: “Welcome to Wal-Mart. Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior? And check out the bargains in aisle 6. I love you.”
It’s a real war, not a made-up one like a War on Poverty or War on Illiteracy or War on Drugs or the War on Stem Cells. How does Stephen know this? Because Papa Bear has seen the enemy, and it is liberals.
LOL! Now, whether or not you believe that Jesus Christ is your personal savior, these views don’t necessarily have to preclude you from wishing people a merry Christmas. I’m all for cultural awareness. Heck, like most people my age I sang “Oh dreidel dreidel dreidel, I made you out of clay. Oh dreidel dreidel dreidel, with dreidel I shall play.” alongside “Oh Holy Night” and “What Child is This” in grade school. Some Jewish kids I knew back when, even had Christmas trees!
Political correctness has run amok in this country. Do you know that Sesame Street was recently released on DVD with a WARNING LABEL saying that it is intended for GROWN-UPS!!??
Thrillingly, the early episodes of Sesame Street have just been released on DVD, but be warned – those shows are dangerous! Slapped across the front of the case is the message, “These early Sesame Street episodes are intended for grown-ups, and may not suit the needs of today’s preschool child.” And looking at the wobbly sets and be-stringed puppets, they probably are better suited to sentimental adults than kids raised on Pixar. But this sticker is an expression of concern.It’s not the psychedelic nature of the programme in its 70s incarnation that worries, but the behaviour it might encourage. Children dancing in the street! Grown men reading storybooks to kids – for no apparent reason!Cookie Monster is the number one problem, not because he is a monster, but because he eats cookies (encourages obesity), and when his addiction takes a special stranglehold, the plate (might hurt). His alter ego, Alistair Cookie, used to smoke a pipe before eating it, which, Sesame Street producer Carol-Lynn Parente explained to the New York Times,”modelled the wrong behaviour”, and so Alistair was, tragically, dropped, and he now probably munches down on pipes in bitterness in illegal pipe dens.
The clearly depressed Oscar the Grouch is another problem: “We might not be able to create a character like Oscar today,” said Parente, which is possibly one of the most depressing sentences I have read in my life. Read more…
The Sesame Street gang has fallen on hard times. Now, even Elmo’s Emo! (Click for
video. Thanks Jin!)Watching Sesame Street, just like I Dream of Jeannie (can you imagine a TV show today based solely on a subservient woman trying to please her “master”?) and countless other childhood experiences, along with Christmas (for Christians and non-Christians alike), is part of our national psyche. To politically sanitize them is akin to lobotomizing my childhood!
Speaking of I Dream of Jeannie, I’ve always had a fascination with that show. I won’t go into details, but believe it or not, it taught me many things. Even on an existential level at 7!! Apparently, I’m not the only one. There’s a whole “community” of online fans of the show that I found while researching this post. This fansite talks about everything from the paint color combinations on the cork of the bottle to the dominance/submission themes of the show and how they relate to modern Islam. Wild. And then there’s this:
This guy paints custom genie bottles and sells them for about $400 a pop. I must admit, I wouldn’t mind having one, they’re quite pretty.
He also goes to great lengths for accuracy. He actually used Larry Hagman’s head measurements to analyze bottle designs from the TV show. Now that’s tenacity! See what you can do with your spare time when you’re not up blogging all night?? LOL. Consider this added to my previously posted Christmas Wishlist. I’ll need all the colors and models too please! 
Christmas Song/video of the day. I’m no country fan, but this is the best version of this song I’ve ever heard.
Said the king to the people everywhere
Listen to what I say
Pray for peace people everywhere
Listen to what I say
The child, the child
Sleeping in the night
He will bring us goodness and light
He will bring us goodness and lightWhether or not you believe that Christmas is the birthday of the aforementioned child or not, or even if you don’t believe in prayer; hope for peace, and have a MERRY CHRISTMAS!!
This video is even better if you ignore the ridiculously cheesy introduction by Nick Lachey
Comments (11)
What if we stopped celebrating 4th of July in a mad dash to please non-US citizens?
We could always call it Independence and not so Independent Day!
LOLOL! =P ” Independent Day ” . Wow $ 400 for one? Thats close to my monthly salary … Sesame Street . Yup all the blood and vigour. Elmo has turned emo. Emo Elmo! :)Haha great post and no worries bout the blue pen day. I.O.U , you’re like the only one who reads my blogs and comments it … =)
LOL, Jin! Hooray for Emo Elmo!!
you are right on the mark with the political correctness nonsense. I’m all for respecting others but others should not be offended by people trying to extend greetings. I know I wouldn’t be offended if a clerk wished me a happy Haunaka or happy holidays for that matter. perhaps we should stop wishing that people have a good day so as not to offend goths! but face it, given my unprotected life as a child, it’s nothing short of a miracle that i’ve reached the age I have!
I remember when that carol first came out – our high school choir was one of the first to sing it publicly that holiday season and it’s all for the very reason you’ve highlighted. peace, Al
Oiy Vey, the cartoon-ish industry isn’t that innocent as it used to be, it is more appear to design for the grown-ups now, and the sad thing is the kids these day are force to grow up with the grown-ups.
Funny, I thought it was Bert’s unibrow that would cause the biggest uproar.
The PCness of this country sickens me. I’m no Ann Coulter or anything, but people are a bit too sensitive these days. Nothing can be said without hurting someone’s feelings. Are we more culturally aware or are we just overly sensitive? Tough call.
-ray leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
It’s difficult not to attibute my obesity to Oscar. I just thought “he does it, maybe I should do it too.” And the cookies just kept coming and coming. I also attribute my acid tripping on the teletubbies, My running addiction to the road runner, and my fear of Moose to Bulwinkle. I could go on and on.
Seriously, Since I did grow up Christian, I dont know what its like to not be included in all the Christmas hoopla. Maybe if I wish Jewish I would wish people would say Happy Haunaka, or if I was a Jehovah’s witness, I wish people would say…well I have no idea what to say to them but I do respect diversity. I have also found myself saying happy holidays (in my customer service jobs) to people because I worry about offending, we are too senstitive. I just want the presents and foot damn it!
At least in Europe we are still wishing each other Merry Christmas…
Long live “the Continent“!!
ryc: yeah, after the rains. From Griffth Observatory. Cold, but clear night.