February 15, 2009

• Octo Mom @ Gay Traffic School and a Valentine Named Chanel

  
  As you may know, I spent most of my Valentine’s Day at Traffic School….Gay Community Traffic School to be exact.  The whole day was kind of surreal.  I woke up early to walk Daisy (I’m still dog-sitting) and clean the house a bit as my brother was arriving tonight with his girlfriend, her two kids, and their dog.  Traffic school started at 9:00 and was just down the street.  It took place at the Gay & Lesbian Community Center, which is partly why they called it Gay Community Traffic School.  The other reason was because it was SO GAY!  Even though there were a few straight people there (including an Iraq War veteran), pretty much everything about this class was totally queer.

  

  
  Everyone was there at 9:00 except the instructor

  

  After someone let us in the building at 9:05, we all waited around until the instructor showed up at 9:20.  He was a stand up comedian (literally), who passed around a sheet of paper so we could write our email addresses to get on a mailing list of his upcoming gigs!  (Only in Hollywood.)

  
  9:11 and still no instructor…he finally showed up at 9:20

  
  I removed his name from this photo, as I don’t want him to get in trouble.  After all, he gave us lots of breaks and let us out an hour and a half early.  Shhhhhhh.

  From 9:20 to 10:00 we went around the room and introduced ourselves and told everyone what we were “in for”.  Most of the people were there for red light tickets, crossing to get in the left turn lane or speeding.  The instructor referred to us as “criminals”, and promoted the “Lifetime Membership” for traffic school incessantly.  The most I learned all day was in those 20 minutes, because I found out where all the speed traps and ticket cops were in LA!  At 10:00 we took our first 30 minute break.  After the break, he spent the first 20 minutes talking about “Octo-Mom“.  I kid you not!  I secretly videotaped a bit of it.  To wit:

  
  What kind of car will Octo-Mom have to get?  Click play to find out!

  Then he handed out a “sign test”.  We took it, without discussion, and then it was time for our 90 minute lunch!  LOL.

   

  When we came back from lunch the instructor went around the room to find out what everyone ate for lunch.  A few people had eaten at a nearby Subway sandwich shop, which led to the inevitable 6 inch or 12 inch question.  That’s all I’ll say about that topic.    That exercise took about a half an hour.  One more easy multiple choice test (about nothing we had talked about) and it was time for our afternoon 30 minute break!

  
  While we took our last test, our instructor napped

  When discussing road distractions, animals came up.  We learned that a pig is the most dangerous animal to run over (because of its low center of gravity).  Elephants and whales were also mentioned.  I believe his line was, “you’d be in deep water if you hit a whale”.  LOL  After the third and final test (none of which were turned in by the way), he handed us our certificates and sent us on our gay way to enjoy Valentine’s Day with our loved ones. 

  

  Shortly after I got home, my brother arrived.  Rebecca’s kids have a new dog named Chanel (I should have brought her to Gay Traffic School with me…she’s pretty gay).  We had a nice dinner and watched Mamma Mia.  So my Valentine this year was a Yellow Lab pup named Chanel.  Oh well, there’s always next year!

  
  Chanel, Me, my brother David, Rebecca, Nicole, Tiffany & Daisy

  
  Me and my Valentine, Chanel 

  
  Mamma Mia

  

  
  Tiffany & Daisy

  

  
  Best of the rest…

  • 2:50 am
  • 14 Comments