August 25, 2009

• Horndogs, Tooth Ointment, Toxic Snowglobes and YouDork

  I’m down in Mission Viejo for a week dog-sitting for Buster, the one eyed horndog and Roxy:

   

  Last night, Andy consistently beat me at Wii for hours, and I’m sure I got carpal tunnel in the process!

  

  This morning I woke up early and was unusually tired.  Even though I didn’t fly here, I brought my travel bag, full of travel sized items.  In my stupor this morning, the toothpaste and the Neosporin looked remarkably similar:

  

  They didn’t taste similar however, as this reenactment shows:

  
  OK, I didn’t really put it in my mouth this morning…but I almost did!

  I blame the TSA for this!  (Kip Hawley is still an idiot!)  Their stupid fucking liquid ban has likely caused thousands of Americans to brush their teeth with antibiotic ointment methinks.  There’s a good book called Natural Security: A Darwinian Approach to a Dangerous World that posits:

  “Lessons learned from Mother Nature [could] help airport security screening checkpoints better protect us from terror threats — if governments are willing to think outside the box and pay heed to some of nature’s most successful evolutionary strategies for species adaptation and survival.

  “Biological organisms have figured out millions of ways, over three and a half billion years of evolution, to keep themselves safe from a vast array of threats,” said Raphael Sagarin, a Duke University ecologist who co-edited the book with Terence Taylor, an international security expert.

  “Arm races among invertebrates, intelligence gathering by the immune system and alarm calls by marmots are just a few of nature’s successful security strategies that have been tested and modified over time in response to changing threats and situations,” Sagarin said. “In our book, we look at these strategies and ask how we could apply them to our own safety.”

  “A study of animal behavior suggests that advertising your security procedures and continually conveying to others that there is a state of elevated threat only helps inform potential terrorists of loopholes in the procedures, while keeping the general population uncertain and nervous,” Sagarin said. Species such as marmots, which continually emit warning calls to each other even when no immediate threat is present, force the other animals in their group to waste time and energy trying to figure out if the implied threat is real, he noted.

  Evolutionary models and ideas also can be applied to non-terrorism threats, such natural disasters and the spread of infectious diseases, he added.

  “Whether you’re dealing with al Qaeda or an emerging pathogen, studying animal behavior teaches us basic principles of survival,” he said. “You can’t eliminate all risks, so you have to focus on the big ones, while adapting to minimize risk from the rest. You have to be aware of your environment, understanding that it’s constantly in flux. And when it comes to adapting and responding to threats, a centralized authority can get in the way. Individual units that sense the environment, with minimal central control, work best.””

  And now comes word that you’re no longer allowed to bring snowglobes through airport security!  Sorry middle America, time to find a new cheesy souvenir.  What will they think of next?  Urinals at the X-ray machine, so we don’t bring our piss on planes?  Idiots!

   
  “A glass eye, filled with weaponized ebola.
  A small child with a belly full of C4.
  A man with his blood altered biochemically to be a powerful explosive.
  A Muslim that has spent the last two decades training in the art of the Ninja, and has just mastered a technique to deliver fatal nerve-strikes from across the room using only the focused force of his own chi?
  WHY DO WE NOT WORRY ABOUT THESE THINGS?
  Oh… yeah. Because at a certain point we have to make the decision to accept the most minute possible risks or to continue rocking back and forth on the floor whimpering while in a pool of our own urine.“

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  In other news, yesterday, Lisa and I went to The Spectrum to see Inglourious Basterds (I loved it).  We also saw that they are auctioning off Designer Dog Houses built by celebrities.  Obviously, Chazz needs this desperately, so here’s a real live PayPal button to donate to The Hotel Chazzfornia Fund.  Bidding for the auction starts at $20,000.00, so dig deep!!

    Chazzitat For Humanity – Put a roof over Chazz’s head!!  DONATE NOW!!

  

  

  Speaking of Chazz, Claudio sent me an email with a video attachment of him playing soccer with some kids.  To wit:

  Carey Anthony

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  Chazz Playing Football
  2 messages
  

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  From: Claudio	Wed, Aug 19, 2009 at 8:09 PM
  To: Carey
  Chazz has made it to 3 soccer practices with kids at the park. He is very popular around there. Several people call him by name and gather around to see him play. The coach has a separate soccer ball for him already. The first-timers get instructions on how to play with Chazz. Although the 8 and younger kids who are his usual teammates were not there today (when I remembered to take the camera), he still had fun.  I got quite a few funny videos, but most are too big to attach… This is the only one that can go.  -Claudio

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  From: Carey Anthony	Wed, Aug 19, 2009 at 8:35 PM
  To: Claudio
  It’s clear he got his football skills from MY side of the family!  Ugh!!  Too big to attach??? The 90′s called.  They want their ridiculously huge email attachments back!! Ever hear of YouTube, YouDork??? And where the hell did you film that from?  The Goodyear blimp???  I can see that when I’m not around Chazz’s care is left to amateurs.  We’re going to have to decrease your visits with him. Signed, Worried in Weho

  • 3:53 am
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