April 1, 2011

• Breaking News – My Winning Announcement

  Hi everyone! Sorry I haven’t been blogging much lately. I’ve been working on a deal that up until today I haven’t been able to talk about. It’s just past midnight, April 1st and I’m writing you from the penthouse suite of New York’s famed Plaza Hotel; preparing for one of the biggest events in my entire life. Now that all of the contracts have been signed, I can officially announce to all of you that I will be headlining with Charlie Sheen on his “My Violent Torpedo of Truth Tour” that comes to Radio City Music Hall here in New York next week!!  I’m so excited! Charlie and I met last month when I did a photo shoot with one of his Goddesses. We had an immediate connection. I too, have often felt misunderstood by the media. I have been ridiculed for my Socratic DNA and my “winning” photographs. Charlie made me an offer I couldn’t refuse; so here I sit preparing to live the Sheen Dream! If anyone borrowed my brain right now for like 5 seconds, they would be like “Dude, I can’t handle it. Unplug this bastard!” I hope that all of you gnarly gnarlingtons will buy tickets and support me and Charlie. I took a big gamble by quitting my job and signing this contract, but I’m sure it will pay off winningly. As always, thank you all for your support.

   

  The donations were all Charlie’s idea. He’s the most generous man I’ve ever met.
  A true inspiration to us all. I’m happy to give $1 to Japan to get them winning again!

  

  
  After meeting Charlie last month I appeared on one of his webcasts and realized “Drug tests don’t lie”.
  I used a fake goatee so as not to be recognized, as I wasn’t sure of the future of the relationship.

  
  Charlie has been incredibly generous thus far.
  Here we are dining on lobster and caviar at the Ritz.

  
  Thank you Charlie. You’ve changed my life. Duh!

  April Fools!

  • 3:10 am
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