Month: April 2009

  • Spring has Sprung

    Spring is in the air!  That means:

     
    Who knew that Tyra Banks could be this good!?  There was so much to enjoy about Levi’s appearance.  His white trash, drug dealing mom, his creepy sister with his name tattooed on her wrist, and poor old Levi himself; too dumb to be outwitted by a vapid model!  As much of an ignorant redneck as this kid is, you have to give him credit.  I’ve always felt sorry for him.  Thrust into the national spotlight against his will, all because he was poking the governor’s daughter (in her own house, with her mother’s knowledge, I might add…”Mom’s are pretty smart.” he told Tyra.  Well some of them are Levi!).   And now Sarah Palin has the nerve to tell People magazine that Bristol will continue to preach abstinence??!!  Are you fucking kidding me!!??  Remember just a few months ago when Sarah Palin was throwing Levi into the middle of the campaign?  One day he was smoking a bong in his hockey jersey and underwear in Alaska, and the next he was awkwardly shaking John McCain’s hand on a tarmac in Ohio.  Just keep issuing these types of statements to glossy magazines Sarah.  They show what an evil hypocrite you really are.  Oh, and good luck getting your sister in law off the burglary charges too.  Just keep making news and talking to the media, and hopefully we won’t ever see your loathsome face in the Lower 48 again, and you will nevermore set foot on a national political stage. 

    And now for the flowers and baseball!


    OK, maybe it wasn’t all that spring like…it actually felt like Chicago!

  • Chazz & The Big Bad Wolf

    Nearly 3 months after the Puppedential Debates, the Obama’s still don’t have a dog!  There are actually two new children’s books about the subject.  We’ve been in the grip of this national emergency for months now!  Take a look:
    Are you kidding?  Screw that pooch!  Chazz would make a much better subject for a children’s book, don’t you think?  In fact, I already have the pictures and Ryan said he would create the illustrations.  Now all I need is a story….

    …

    …In magical LaLa land, there lived a puppy named Chazz, who was the cutest puppy in all the land.  Some people even compare him to Oreo, the Gandhi of Dogs.  What an honor!

    One day Chazz decided to go to the dog park with his neighbor Sophie:

    It was a beautiful day and they had a great time…

    and made lots of friends.  At the dog park there was a definite chain of command:

    Since they play with each other all the time, they decided to sniff out some new acquaintances.  Chazz had a great time with a new friend named Lilou:

    They were both the same age and size and wrestled for hours.  Chazz hadn’t had that much fun since the Golden Globes!

    Sophie also made some new friends:

    There were so many dogs there, that sometimes Chazz thought he was looking in a mirror:

    Suddenly a hush fell over the dog park.  All the dogs went on high alert.  Something wasn’t right.  Polo was the first to notice:

    There was an intruder in the dog park!  He was huffing and puffing.  Chazz knew he had to act fast.  His friends were all scared, so he approached the intruder and introduced himself:

    As it turned out, the intruder, Wolfie, had just come from a huge pork dinner, and wasn’t really in the mood to cause trouble.  Chazz politely, but forcefully asked him to leave and peace was restored in the dog park.  Chazz’s Uncle Carey was proud of his bravery, as were all the kids at the park!  Chazz was a hero!



    The End


    Best of the rest…

    ON THE LIGHTER SIDE
    “A new study from the Centers for Disease Control says that tripping over your pets causes over 86,000 serious injuries each year. Worse — only 30 percent of those make it to YouTube.” — Jimmy Fallon

  • The End of an Era

     

    It’s a sad day here at the Hotel Careyfornia. This morning at 7:15 AM, 2 Los Angeles Sheriff’s deputies showed up to foreclose on my condo and forcibly evict me.  They were actually nicer about it than I thought they would be.  They allowed me to gather up some personal belongings and pack them in a suitcase, but they said I had to be out by 8 AM, as the county was sending a moving company in to remove my things.  Furniture and the like will be sold at auction.  I’ll be able to keep personal mementos like photos, but that’s about it.  Luckily, they did let me keep the sign!

    As I write this from the coffee shop on the corner of what once used to be my street, I’m reminiscing about all the happy times and satisfied guests I’ve hosted over the past 6 years.  Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.  I’m not the first person impacted by the global economic meltdown and I won’t be the last.  Sadly though, the famous “Fornia” name has been sullied and I’m sorry to say that we must end our Platinum VIP Guest program.  All accrued points will be donated to the foreclosure fund.  We appreciate our guest’s patronage over the years.  Here’s a glimpse at some happier times:


    Click to enlarge

    I’ll be staying with friends for the next few days until I figure out what to do.  I must say, this is a bad way to begin April!  It’s even worse than last year!!