July 17, 2009

• Breaking News: Sarah Palin Birthed Michael Jackson’s Son Blanket!

  Though I’ve been out of the country for the past couple of weeks, I’ve been well aware of recent events coming out of Alaska and California.  Thanks to all of my faithful readers, my email Inbox exploded following the news of Sarah Palin’s resignation and I tracked every detail very carefully from Italy & Germany.  Though my disdain for Caribou Barbie and her disgusting demagoguery is well documented, I was cautiously optimistic when I heard the news.  Would this wretched, ignorant, vile, reprehensible, dangerous woman finally be off the national stage?  Doubtful, but I was still hoping for a scandal to surface that would prevent her from ever running for the presidency.  Watching her speech was like watching a drunk moose try to parallel park.  I tried to dissect ever bizarre word, and was still befuddled by her actual reasons for resigning.  Even more bizarre, as the front page of the New York Times recently showed, she has apparently taken to signing babies!!
  

  
  

  As The Daily Show was quick to point out, that baby is now on Ebay!

  

  Also while in Italy, it was impossible to escape the news about Michael Jackson and the funeral.  It was playing in every pizzeria and gelateria!  Obviously, we had many conversations about this over pasta & gelato, and since my return to Los Angeles I’ve been doing a little investigative reporting.  The timing of Michael’s death and Sarah’s resignation was quite suspicious methinks.  As well, the debate over the parentage of Michael’s youngest son, “Blanket” has been curious to say the least.  (My friend Alan was the first to point out that Blanket might actually not be how the name is pronounced at all, preferring the more French sounding “Blahn-kay”.  LOL.)  I’ve made a few calls to some well placed sources inside both the Jackson and Palin camps; and though I’m still trying to obtain proper DNA samples, at this juncture I’m prepared to be the first in the blogosphere to break the news that Sarah Palin is the mother of Blanket Jackson!

  They clearly have the same hair:

  

  And if you look very carefully at the infamous baby dangling photo, you might even be inclined to believe that Sarah was there!  I’m just sayin…

  

  I mean hell, “fair & balanced” Fox News already reported that Sarah killed Michael:

  

  So there you have it:  Motive and a strong family resemblance!  Need I say more?  I hope you get Blanket (Blahn-kay) back Sarah.  God knows you need more illegitimate kid’s lives to ruin!  In memoriam, let’s take a trip down memory lane to look at some of your finest moments in the national spotlight:

  
  Revisiting some of Sicko Sarah’s most cringe worthy moments!
  GOOD RIDDANCE!!!

  Oh, and from the “Only in Hollywood” department; I went to the dry cleaners at the bottom of my street tonight to pick up some shirts and took this photo with my cell phone.  I guess when they advertise “Cleaners to the Stars”, they weren’t kidding!  I wonder if anyone ever accidentally got a single sequined glove by mistake when they picked up their dry cleaning??

  
  Hollyway Cleaners, mourns the loss of Michael Jackson, the King of Pop, your songs and memories will always be with us. 
  We all love you dearly forever.  Hollyway Cleaners staff will always cherish you as a customer. 

  • 2:39 am
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