May 11, 2010

• All Dogs Do Not Go To Heaven

  A friend of the family sent me this the other day:

  “Despite the premise of the 1980s animated film series, “All Dogs Go to Heaven,” many fundamental Christians believe that their pets have no souls. When the end of days finally arrives and Jesus returns to earth to gather up his saints, all of the believers’ beloved cats and dogs will be left behind to starve and face the apocalypse alone. So, what is a devoted pet owner and firm believer in the Rapture to do? Hire an official blasphemer and card-carrying atheist, who has been thoroughly vetted as a profane sinner with no chance of salvation according to Mark 3:29, of course! A company called Eternal Earth-Bound Pets, USA has gathered a motley crew of about 100 reprobates in 22 states, who are also animal lovers, and will rescue pets abandoned after the Rapture for a small, non-refundable fee of $110.

  Eternal Earth-Bound Pets is the brainchild of Bart Centre, 61, a retired resident of New Hampshire, who apparently became bored working part-time at the local Home Depot and decided to try something different. Why not make a buck off of the crazy Christian fundamentalists waiting for the Rapture to occur? Centre’s sales pitch, inscribed on t-shirts, coffee mugs, bumper stickers and the like says it all: “The next best thing to pet salvation in a post rapture world.”

  “If you love your pets,” says Centre, “I can’t understand how you could not consider this.”

  The Eternal Earth-Bound Pets Web site explains the simple premise of its post-rapture services:

  “You’ve committed your life to Jesus. You know you’re saved. But when the Rapture comes what’s to become of your loving pets who are left behind? Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind. We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you’ve received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.”

  Centre assures potential clients that he screens all pet rescuers to make sure they are indeed atheists and have no plans “to meet the Lord in the air” when the second coming arrives.”  Read more…
  

   

  Man!  I wish I would have thought of that!  It’s a perfect example making money off of fundamental Christianity run amok!  As the website states:

  “Once you pay your fee of $110, the rapture pet rescue contract is good for 10 years. If the rapture doesn’t come by that time, too bad. What if blasphemous loved ones are left behind and are able to care for the pets — Will they receive a refund? No. How long will it take for the atheist pet rescuers to arrive? Fluffy and Rocky will be rescued, as soon as possible, considering there will be widespread destruction and chaos”:

  “Naturally, we must anticipate that there will be widespread chaos and confusion immediately following the Rapture that could impact travel times. Thus, we are targeting a maximum of between 18- 24 hours from realization of the Rapture, to animal rescue.”  Read more…
  

  Love it!  And seeing how the current “Rapture Index” of 173 is close to the all time high of 182, time’s a ticking.  As a card carrying atheist heathen, I’m glad to know that Chazz and I will face the rapture hand in paw.

  
  

  This is a great piece on fundamentalism…Christianity has its flaws but at least I’m able to criticize the current criminal pope without fear of a fatwa!

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  UPDATE:  The creator and co-owner of the website  “Eternal Earth-Bound Pets” that I refer to here, just wrote me with the following comments regarding the article I quoted.  I had a discussion with some Facebook friends about whether the company has actually collected revenue for their services, and Mr. Centre has confirmed that fact.  A true Atheist American success story!
  

  Carey,

  Thank you for your discussion of my post rapture pet rescue business.
  

  Just to correct two small errors:
  

  1)  We do not have “a motley crew of about 100 reprobates” rescuers in 22 states.  At the time the article was written we hat 26 rescuers in 22 states, and one-hundred paying rapture believing clients.  As of this writing, we have added 3 additional rescuers and have just under 200 clients under contract for our post rapture pet rescue service.

   2)  As for being “motley” and/ or “reprobates,” actually all our rescuers are gainfully employed, have families, love pets, and have no criminal record per our criminal back ground checks.  All are financially solvent as confirmed by credit checks also conducted on all our rescuers.

  Yours in reason,

  Bart Centre
  

  creator / co-owner -  Eternal Earth-Bound Pets
  

  author-  The Atheist Camel Chronicles: Debate Themes and Arguments for the Non-Believer

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  Speaking of heathens…I went to church yesterday!  No, it wasn’t to pay my respects to a cosmic Jewish zombie, and no I didn’t burst into flames upon entry.  I went for Tressa’s First Communion.  I was there to support her and her family who I love very much.  As I’ve stated in this space before, going to church does bring back some fond memories of the more ritualistic things I actually used to enjoy about Catholicism.  (I was never molested by a priest…guess I wasn’t cute enough.)  A few times yesterday, I found myself reciting rote responses from memory and my cousin leaned over and said “It never quite leaves you, does it?”  How true!  (Though I must admit, I felt a little queasy when they asked us to pray for the current Pedo Pusher Pope.  In my opinion that slimeball should rot in jail!)  At any rate, it was a beautiful day and Tressa looked so pretty!  She had a really great time, as the photos in the slideshow below should attest; and in the end that’s what’s most important!

  
  Sorry, couldn’t resist…WARNING, you won’t be able to un-see this!
  Would You Die For Your Faith?
  America’s # 1 in Bibles. #37 in Infant Mortality

  • 1:41 am
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