ON THE LIGHTER SIDE
“The president of Iran announced that he’s going to free the British hostages as an early Easter gift. As an extra bonus, the Iranian president said he’s going to throw in a case of marshmallow Peeps.” — Conan O’Brien

What do you get when you cross a robot with a pirate??

Aaaaaaaargh 2D2

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Crazy Cousins

I was in Laguna today, so I met Dar & Dave, and Lisa & Joel, and of course my sweet little cousins Tommy and Andy.  Andy kept trying to jump into the fountain and Tommy couldn’t stop playing his Gameboy.  I snapped these photos with my cell phone.  We ate at BJ’s Brewhouse which has the best desserts in the world.  They’re called “Pizookies” and they are out of this world!

And Joel tried the mini beer samplers….cute!

 

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Is Iraq REALLY that bad? YES!

This roundup of YouTube clips is meant to give a small sense of what it’s like for the people who are killing and getting killed in Iraq — a view that, limited as it is, one can’t possibly get from the mainstream newsmedia. Terribly sad.

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  Oh Oh!! 

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And Then There Were 8

American Idol – Sanjaya the One to Beat?
Sanjaya avoided the Bottom 3 again. Is he the favorite to win it all? Over the past week, even more conspiracies and controversy have arose over America’s most watched show, so see our take and the take from all our users who have commented:

American Idol: Sanjaya survives and the power of mini-skirts
Top 9 Results Show Quick Thoughts
Top 9 Performance Grades
Top 9 Power Rankings

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Dogs, Cats & Kids

From: Kelsey – Stage Manager
Sent: Tuesday, April 03, 2007 11:09 AM
To: Diane
Subject: Children’s Bios

Parents of young (Lost) boys,

We would like to put bios in the Peter Pan theater program for each child. The maximum word count is 45. Here is my sample bio for all of you that have not done one before:

Kelsey (Stage Manager) is a junior. Some previous credits include Night Mother(SM), Our Town (SM), …Forum(SM), Oklahoma and Assassins. Previous Village Theater credits include A Perfect Fall (ASM), Jungle Book (ASM), Seussical, Pippin, Les Miserables (Revolve Operator) and Mainstage’s TOMMY (SM intern). She would like to thank friends and family.

Thanks, and “Break a Leg”

Chelsea

Junior Class Stage Manager

—–Original Message—–
From: Diane
Sent: Wednesday, April 04, 2007 8:17 AM
To: Carey
Subject: Jasen’s School Play Today

Carey, I need your help!!  Today is Jasen’s BIG DEBUT as one of the “Lost Boys” in the high school production of Peter Pan and I need a bio for the program!  This is what I have so far.  I’m devastated that it can only be 45 words!

“Jasen (Nibs) is a 5th grader at Eisenhower.  This is Jasen’s first big production!  Jasen keeps busy with sports and lives with his Mom, Dad and 4 brothers.  He would like to thank his Grandma & Pop Pop for being his biggest fans!”

Thanks for your help Carey

Love, Diane

—–Original Message—–
From: Carey
Sent: Wednesday, April 04, 2007 8:27 AM
To: Diane
Subject: RE: Jasen’s School Play Today

Jasen (Nibs the Lost Boy) is making his major theatrical debut in Eisenhower High School’s production of Peter Pan, and is thrilled to be reviving the pivotal role of Nibs.  Jasen’s previous credits include swing roles in Teletubbies - the Musical, Harry Potter Goes to Kindergarten, and the “Rent - the Pre-Teen Years (Understudy – Bum near Benny’s Range Rover).  Jasen’s well rounded activities keep him busy with sports, academics and recreational time with his family.  Jasen credits his mother, who still has time to shuttle him to play practice despite raising 5 boys, his Uncle Carey for his interest in musical theater, his two sets of identical twin baby brothers for making him want to stay late after school for rehearsal (and not have to baby-sit  and God (not particularly in that order).  He promises to thank them all on national television when he wins his first Tony. In the meantime he hopes to bring vim and vigor into each role he is blessed enough to win.  Jasen’s name originates from Jase, the Greek God of Theater.  His passion for the arts extends to his musical prowess, as well as his love for pottery spinning.  His film credits include Family Video #611 - Jasen’s first communion, and #101 – Jasen poops on the potty.  He would like to dedicate this performance to his Grandma and Pop Pop for being his biggest fans and always making him believe.

 

Best viewed with Firefox.  Press F5 if video doesn’t load.

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This is Oreo, (which was the name of my dog, that’s why this article caught my eye)  Oreo was the first cat in the New York region to ever to undergo surgical hip replacement, which was just several thousand dollars more than the traditional method; total cat replacement.   Terrible I know…especially since I’ve been reading about all the wonderful veterinary work that Nate Lam does with animals.  Sorry Nate, I’m definitely more of a dog person as evidenced by my Oreo who ended up on the front page of the Chicago Tribune 20 years ago (gasp) for walking 45 miles trying to get home! 

RIP Or

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Most shameless cat joke I know:

A hooker asked her surgeon to make another hole in her ass.  The surgeon asked, “Why”?  She said, “Business is good, so I’m opening another location.”

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Thanks to Eric, for finding these 2 videos.  The new Maroon 5 and a different type of Beyonce song.

 

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LOL, why is it that all of the celebrities I’ve seen this week are D list (or F).  On the flight out of LA it was Janice Dickenson (for the second time that week) and tonight it was David freakin‘ Hasselhoff.  I took a none too flattering picture of him, just because a bunch of college kids were.  They were also asking him how “Kit” was, LOL.  Like he doesn’t get that all the time!  (I’d rather ask him why he cried at the American Idol finale last year!)  I actually snapped him last year on the red carpet too, guess he didn’t remember me though

I’m the guy who used to fly with A-Listers though!  In my “glory” days of traveling every week of my life for 13 years, I sat with all the high rollers!  Meg Ryan (cross country, she’s very nice), Yoko Ono (from LA to somewhere in Asia, don’t remember now.  She never said a word for 12 hours, LOL).  After a while they all blend together.  Besides, I’m not a starf***er! 

If I never had to go back to Las Vegas for as long as I live, it would be too soon.  It represents everything that is wrong with America!!  Even just on a layover tonight it was gross.  SO tacky!  Vegas and Orlando have to be my two least favorite cities in the U.S.  Of course, as a business traveler you have to go to both of those cities several times a year, and it gets SO old!

I’ll never forget once when I was staying at a Disney property in Orlando and my room was on the first floor across from a wedding gazebo.  The first morning, I woke up at 7 AM to the sound of a violin playing “A Whole New World” from Aladdin.  I looked out my patio door, and there was an Asian couple getting married in the Gazebo.  They were dressed in traditional wedding garb veil and all.  The ceremony was short, maybe 5 minutes, and then; I kid you not, Mickey and Minnie (dressed in formal wear (black tie for Mickey)) rolled out a wedding cake.  The violin was now playing “The Circle of Life”.  The bride and groom posed with M & M and then the next couple came along.  They did 2 weddings an hour, and from what I saw they were all Asian couples.  Now don’t get me wrong, I love Disney Showtunes as much as the next guy (Aladdin being a particular favorite) but by Day 2 I had to move rooms.  LOL.  I guess there are worse ways to wake up though.

I am admittedly a very jaded traveler.  Having been to all 50 states and all continents extensively since 1990, I’ve pretty much seen and done it all.  I have zero tolerance for ineptitude when I travel, and I always get what I want (that’s why my friends like traveling with me, most of the time )  I can finagle a first class upgrade when the flight is oversold by 30.  I once even got a hotel to give me Michael Jordan’s suite because his bus was late and I was a VIP at that boutique chain, LOL.  So Michael had to slum it in a one story room that night, while I enjoyed my two story suite, personal gym, spiral staircase and huge Jacuzzi, LOL. 

I’m not bragging, I’m just trying to make a point that when you have traveled as much as I have, to as many places as I have, for as long as I have, it take a lot to impress me.  It’s kind of sad in a way too…being so jaded. I sometimes see families at Disneyland or Disneyworld who spent their life’s savings for one grand trip like that.  I feel bad for those people too because of the sub par service in the industry today (airlines, hotels, car rentals, you name it) and people who don’t travel for a living don’t know how to get what they rightfully deserve.  It’s absolutely criminal what hotels charge you for these days.  My response, I refuse to pay it, and I never do.  That’s a whole other rant though, I’ll save my travel tips and woes for another time (or maybe a book!).

Here are some bad camera phone pics from Vegas tonight and another picture I took of Hasselhoff last year at the Idol finale.  In real life he’s not really all that bad looking I guess, I just think the plastic surgery looks ridiculous.  (Not as bad as Kenny Rogers’ though!).

The woman behind me at the gate was listening to a voice mail on her speakerphone, apparently from her boyfriend, who was swearing up and down at her.  When a gate agent walked by, she said, “Excuse Ma’am but do they give you free drinks when you play the slots here in the airport like they do on the Strip?  LOL, I think she had already had enough to drink!

His mouth was full of pretzel

He had the glasses on because he knew he’d be crying when Taylor won

 

 

I’m sitting in the Tampa Airport waiting for my flight.  At least they have free Wi-Fi which is pretty cool.  I was so tired last night, but couldn’t sleep because I had about 4 Diet Cokes at dinner.  I should have known better.  Not only did I have to get up 8 times to go to the bathroom, I was too wired to go to sleep.  I usually can’t sleep on planes but maybe I’ll be able to tonight.

I just checked my blog stats, and you know what’s funny?  Even though in the past two weeks I’ve written about war, the state of the world, Carol in Morocco, the twins, Abu Ghraib, torture, racism and Haditha; guess what got the most comments and hits??  SANJAYA MALAKAR!  LOL, what is the fascination with this kid?  I had people coming to my site from Google searches in 4 countries!  What is up with that??  I suppose I’m feeding the frenzy by even putting his name and image on my blog; but obviously the kid is popular and has stage appeal.  I’m pretty much tone deaf, so I can’t really criticize his singing, but I think it’s good for someone from a different ethnicity to get that much exposure.  He might help break the stereotype of Indians in America (they don’t all work at 7-11′s!).  And isn’t breaking stereotypes a good thing?  At least it helps us all get along better. 

I suppose too, that people get depressed reading about the subjects I mentioned above.  The state of the world is in complete disarray right now, and maybe, just maybe a teenager with a halfway decent voice and a beautiful joyous smile, might just make us forget….for a little while.

Or maybe, LOL, it’s all about the hair! 

This by the way, takes it a bit too far!

Oh, and guess who got a Hollywood makeover??

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 Oh, and as promised, here are a few of Carol’s pics from Morocco.  Enjoy!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Today was a long day on the conference floor here in Tampa, but a very productive one.  When I got back to the hotel my feet were killing me though.  It was cool seeing Brent again though. 

 

It’s weird how close we live to each other, but the only time we hang out is at these trade shows.  After the floor closed we hit a few parties, and then went out for a good Italian dinner and laughed our asses off.  I have to be down there by 8 tomorrow, so I best get some sleep (since I haven’t had much all week!)  I leave you with…..Sanjaya!  G’night.

I obviously didn’t watch American Idol tonight, but I thought this clip from “The Soup” was hilarious!  I think Sanjaya brings out in everyone, that desire we all secretly have to be a slightly androgynous teenager who can’t sing.  LOL   So do you really think this has something to do with it? 

He has one big fan though

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A Mystery at Hong Kong Horse Racing Track

I made it to Florida finally…long flights, long day, but minimal problems and no fights with the TSA (Should have slept last night though, I’m beat!)

Janice Dickinson was on one of my flights.  UGH.  That’s the 2nd time I’ve run into that bitch this week.  Wednesday they were filming her show on Santa Monica Blvd when I went to lunch.  If you don’t know who she is, here are some photos I took of her last year in Hollywood on the red carpet at the American Idol finale.  LOL.  She’s the poster child for plastic surgery gone terribly wrong.  She claims she’s the world’s “first supermodel”.  Seems like more SuperFreak to me…she’s super freaky

 

And here are a few other more recognizable faces from the same finale last year:

Simon Cowell

Jennifer Hudson

Constantine Maroulis

Elliot Yamin pre dental work and hair do (whose new album released last week  is supposed to be great) ??

Kelly Pickler (who supposedly also has a best selling record out now and big new boobs)

Carrie Underwood (one of the most successful Idols) 

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Did anyone see the season finale of Rome tonight on HBO??  WOW!  That show is getting better all the time.  I hope they win something come Emmy time. 

Attia of the Julii (played by Polly Walker, above) is the best diva on TV in years.  Her performance tonight made me laugh uproariously and gave me goose bumps too.

James Purefoy as Antony plays the historical downward spiral of (both) Caesars’ rival and Attia’s one true love, brilliantly.  His drug addled orgy scenes tonight with the actress who played Cleopatra were Oscar worthy I thought, not just Emmy worthy.  This show is far better than most Hollywood productions.  It’s filmed in the famed Cinecitta Studios in Rome, and is like going back in time for an hour each week.  They stretch the vernacular a bit, but all of the characters are amazingly well written and the bond between Vorenus and Pullo is especially interesting and serves as the story arc of the historical drama.  If you’re at all interested in Roman history and the decline and fall of one of the greatest civilizations on earth, I suggest checking out the reruns or getting the DVDs.  There are so many similarities between the fall of Rome and what’s happening in the United States today, it’s scary.  Next season, if they stick to history (which they haven’t exactly always done), we can count on little Caesarion, now 17 years old being named King of Kings before he himself…. (I won’t ruin it for you if you’re not a student of history  )

Too bad they didn’t have DNA testing back then

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Are any of you keeping up with Eurovision? (If you haven’t heard of it, you might compare it to American Idol, only for all of Europe.)  It’s been going on for 52 years, since 1956.  Perhaps the most popular band to come out of Eurovision was Sweden’s Abba in 1974.  Popbitch reports that:

Sweden’s official entry this year, The Ark‘s, lead singer Ola Salo is already a star in Sweden, and a prominent gay rights activist. In their adopted home city, Malmo, the band are nicknamed “When clap came to town”. Since they moved there in 1996, the story goes that hundreds of girls and boys have been left with a special reminder of the band. Watch out Helsinki!  Here’s their entry:

He kind of reminds me of Pete Burns from Dead or Alive who incidentally starred in Britain’s Celebrity Big Brother last year, and now completely looks like a woman!

Scary huh Daniel?  “What I really need to do is find myself a brand new….” 

You can see videos of all the Eurovision entries by using the Song-O-Mat. 

Good night from humid Florida.

Update…found one :)

  

I don’t know how else to type that title, and since I can’t find an mp3 of Ryan Seacrest saying it, that will have to be good enough.  I don’t know many people who don’t like Ryan.  Just like the show, he appeals to nearly everyone.  If you live in LA, you know he’s got the most popular morning radio show in the city.  He’s likable and makes everyone feel likable. 

I think it’s the end of the road for little Sanjaya tonight.  But let’s face it; he’s not nearly as bad as Chicken Little!  He’s only 17 for goodness’ sake. I agree with Simon, he’s quite brave.  The pressure was really on all of them.  I can’t believe how many forgot their lyrics!  In the end I hope it comes down to Blake & Lakisha.  I think that would be a good final two.  Melinda still freaks me out a little…I can’t quite put my finger on it, but as Simon would say “I’m just being honest”.   The banter between Ryan & Simon tonight was priceless.  It couldn’t have been scripted better.  And Ryan took it like a champ, high heels, closet and all!   Paula seemed more drunk tonight, after being on the wagon last week.

Seeing Diana Ross tonight reminded me that I saw her last year on the corner of Santa Monica Blvd. and La Cienega.  I was walking home from Trader Joes with 2 grocery bags in my hand, and she came whipping around that crazy corner in a Red Mercedes convertible.  The top was down, and that fucking hair of hers was practically horizontal blowing in the wind.  It seemed a little tamed tonight, and I think it was a brilliant move on her part to go on the most popular show in the world, to not only promote her new album and tour, but to really show her confidence in the wake of Dreamgirls and the fact that her character (played by Beyonce) may not have been have been received in the most positive light.  The more I read about her, it wasn’t really her fault what happened to Florence Ballard, but as her star emerged from that group, Florence Ballard was indeed left behind.  There’s no doubt Diana’s a legend however, and her catalogue of just the 12 songs tonight proved that. 

And if you want to see someone Simon really likes check out this X-Factor clip.  Leona really is great, some say the next Mariah. (Of course, she was Simon’s protege, and she won!)

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I rode the bus today, (no, not with my sister)  for the first time ever in LA.  I’m not trying to sound pretentious; it’s just that I rarely even use my car because everything I ever need is within walking distance from my house (a real rarity in this city).  LA is such a car city, it’s ridiculous.  It’s like no other city in the world I’ve been to.  I realized today that without a car, you’re really screwed.  I have a new appreciation for bus riders and bus drivers.  A few observations (though after only one round trip in a bus, I’m hardly an authority):

• It was 85° F in LA today (92° yesterday).  I understand why all buses may not have air conditioning (although shouldn’t they? They do in Brazil!) but why don’t they open the windows?
• I saw no one give up their seat for women or the elderly.  I did twice, but wasn’t sure of the protocol. To me it just seemed like common sense
• One of the women I gave my seat to was about 90 years old if she was a day.  She had a lot of bags with her, and I kid you not, her t-shirt said this:

• The suckiest job in the world has to be driving an LA City bus.  Driving in LA is already the worst; imagine doing it all day in bus!
• Everyone wears headphones, but very few people talk on cell phones, which I found odd
• I must have seen 4 people in cars flip off the bus driver.  Now I see how stupid I look
• I only went 3 miles each way, and it took nearly 2 hours round trip (without a transfer).
• I don’t know what kind of fuel those buses run on, but they’re damn loud and smelly

Again, all of this may come as no surprise to anyone.  I’ve take public transit all over the world, just never in LA.  Somehow it seems much worse here, which I guess shouldn’t come as a surprise.  I’m looking forward to getting rid of my Accord in a year or two and getting a Honda Hybrid.  I’m just waiting for the technology to improve a bit.  Peace peeps

What do you think of when you hear that term?  Before today I would have thought it to be some new invention for pets, similar to “neuticals” (for the male dog who misses his, well, you know, after he’s been neutered).  I love this quote from their website: 

Neuticles allow your pet to retain his natural look, self esteem and aid in the trauma associated with neutering.

With Neuticles – It’s like nothing ever changed!

But in actuality, “Purity Balls” are even scarier.  As reported by ABC News today, Purity Balls are a fast growing phenomenon in conservative Christian communities.  They involve ceremonies, with all the accoutrements of a wedding (white cake and all), where the “groom” is actually the girl’s father.  Girls as young as 12 sign commitments with their fathers, that they will not engage in sex before marriage.

Now, I’m all for abstinence when it’s the right choice for a person or family, but I’m also a realist.  Girls that young cannot possibly understand the ramifications of what these “commitments” entail.  Case in point:  ABC News actually interviewed a 12 year old who swore she would not even kiss a boy until after she was married.

OK, am I the only person who thinks this is just creepy, not to mention utterly ridiculous?  I know I live in the moral wasteland of Hollywood, but seriously don’t the puritanical fundamentalists know what’s really going on here?  Look at any teenage girl’s myspace or Facebook profile.  (OK, now I’m the one who sounds a little creepy LOL, but a few of my cousins actually have myspace pages, and I’ve been known to look at their “friends” profiles, just to see what they are being exposed to. )  By the way, studies have shown that nearly 90% of the girls who have participated in these absurd rituals, actually break their commitments.  I’d love to see Hollywood make a movie about that!  Of course, the family dog would have to be neutered

 

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Update:  Tyson just sent me this:  http://www.twoheadedblog.com/?p=587  Apparently the Glamour article states that this is done with girls as young as FOUR!

Does Oprah know about this???  I smell a “very special” Oprah “Women as PROPERTY???”

“What Am I, A Hymen With Legs?”  That’s got to win the award for blog title of the year

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By the way, this is the second time this week I’ve written about something from ABC News.  Thanks to Bob Woodruff’s exposing the abhorrent treatment of Iraq war veterans with traumatic brain injuries, and the recent unfortunate news about the Walter Reed Medical Center, I believe the tide is starting to turn with the media’s handling of this war.  For the past 6 years, Bush and Cheney have made the mainstream media cower before them.  Bob Woodruff’s injury, which no one can refute (not even the Dark Lord himself), may end up saving lives because people are moved to action by his heroic story and comeback.  Kudos to ABC News.

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ON THE LIGHTER SIDE
“You berate your co-workers in British accent, but you’re from Cincinnati.” — One of David Letterman’s “Top 10 Signs You’re Obsessed with American Idol.”

 

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Unfortunately, “Listen” didn’t win for Best Song though:

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OK, let me take you back to January 22nd, when I posted “The Good, The Bad & The Bush Baby – A new Idol Low“, referring of course, to the exploitation of two rejected American Idol auditioners, one of whom had competed in the Special Olympics and his friend who was told he looked like a bush baby monkey.  MY position at the time was that American Idol had gone too far, and that it was going to take a “suicide” before it stopped.  Most of my readers disagreed with me, saying that after 5 seasons, everyone who auditioned knew what they were getting themselves into.

Two days later I wrote a post entitled “The Continuing Adventures of Jonathan and Kenneth”  in which I reported that the two rejects already had agents, one had changed his name (apparently to a “stage name”) and that they had been hired to do special reports for Jimmy Kimmel on his late night show.

Fast forward to last night, when the “World Premier” of Jonathan & Kenneth’s new music video, featuring special guest William Hung (who by the way, is now a millionaire) was shown.  I’m rarely wrong, but when I am I’ll admit it.  This is one of the funniest videos you will ever see in your life.  If William Hung is any indication, these two BFF’s will be millionaires by this time next year.  Let’s hope they donate some of it to the Special Olympics.

 

You can refer to my original post on these two “Idols”.  I will repeat that; they already have agents, are interested in being in movies, and one of them has already changed his name!  What’s next?  An Oscar, a la Jennifer Hudson?