Once again, I couldn’t resist posting this video of Colin, who watched Spiderman last weekend, and has been playing “Spiderboy” with his Daddy non-stop ever since. THIS is how parents should treat their children:
This however, is NOT how parents should treat their children: (Since I posted this, YouTube disabled the embedding of this video, so you can click here to watch it.)
I ran across this video randomly on YouTube a few weeks ago, and my heart sank for this poor little boy. I have no idea who he is. The father obviously must not have realized how terrible he was being, since he posted it on YouTube, right? Judging from the comments people left on YouTube though, most people think it’s hilarious. I know it’s hard not to laugh, especially since the kid is so cute, but it’s such a terrible way to treat a child. My friend Marcelo, who teaches this type of development in children and has a PhD to prove it, summed it up best when I emailed this to him:
Oh my word!!!!!!! I am going to use this for my class on “the way parents unwittingly fuck up their children for life” next semester!!! I can see how the father thought it was funny. But from my viewpoint this is an awesome instantiation of the horror in the making, especially after 4 days of intense debate about the development of the mind, self, and society. One young human is showing the utmost concern about another, younger human. He is trying so hard to communicate in the way adults seem to prefer. He is sounding off his vowels and the final consonant with such care and determination that his mouth and whole face are contorting into exaggerated expressions. The struggle for communication is so primal, so feral, so desperate. And then, he is making the same critique that I, a professional in the area, is making watching his father’s way of responding: It’s not funnyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! My heart broke. Beijos –Marcelo
I wish everyone could have parents as wonderful as Colin’s!! Every child deserves that kind of love.
Here’s a video that starts with last night’s sunset. Little Patrick kept plopping himself down right in front of the sun, and I kept moving him. Afterwards, you can see Marcelo playing soccer with Patrick and finally me goofing around, all set to the theme song of our international group of friends.
How Do You Measure – Measure A Year?
In Daylights – In Sunsets
In Midnights – In Cups Of Coffee
In Inches – In Miles
In Laughter – In Strife
In – Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Six Hundred Minutes
How Do You Measure
A Year In The Life? It’s Time Now – To Sing Out
Though The Story Never Ends
Let’s Celebrate
Remember A Year In The Life Of Friends
I drove up to Santa Barbara this afternoon and Eva and I headed up to San Francisco (Pacifica) in separate cars, as she had to drive a friend’s car up as a favor. Bassam will fly in tomorrow, and all three of us will drive back Sunday. We arrived at Tom, Cathy & Patrick’s beach home as the sun sank into the Pacific. Now it’s 3 AM and the moon is sinking in too. Here a few photos before bed.
That’s my reflection taking a picture of Eva zooming down the 101
A picture perfect day for a drive up the Pacific Coast
Regular gas was $4.56/gallon in Kingsland, CA!!
I was shocked!
Eva nearly died!
Marcelo, Emily, Eva & Mariana attempting to spell out “GLY” as the sun set. Many of you have asked what “GLY” stands for. Unfortunately, that’s a story I can only tell in person. It would be impossible to explain in writing. If you’re ever in Southern California, I’d be happy to share its origins!
It is not a little remarkable that sympathy with the distresses of others should excite tears more freely than our own distress; and this certainly is the case. Many a man, from whose eyes no suffering of his own could wring a tear, has shed tears at the sufferings of a beloved friend.
Last week as I sat waiting in the Los Angeles airport for my flight to Portland, there was a woman behind me talking rather loudly on her cell phone. I could not help but overhear her conversation. Ordinarily, this would be the type of thing that would light my fuse immediately. It was hard to get upset at this particular woman though, because of what she was talking about. She was on the phone with someone who was clearly distressed and she was trying to calm them. It was someone I suspect she knew very well, a family member perhaps. In soothing tones the woman in the airport cited Bible verse after Bible verse explaining and relating in Christian terms how adhering to the word of God, would help the person on the phone with their struggles. Agree or disagree, she seemed extremely altruistic, and for that reason, it was hard to take offense.
I’m not really one for Christian ideology, and the older I get the more I find myself going the way of Julia Sweeney and questioning all facets of organized religion. But I was raised a good Catholic boy, and I still have respect for an individual’s religious beliefs no matter how unfounded. So I endured this loud conversation and tried to read my (not Good but good) book. After all, I was on my way to visit Marcelo, one of the most altruistic people I know. He’s like a moral compass; a shining example of why you need not be religious or even believe in “God” to live a good life and respect the lives of others.
This is something I need to be reminded of every once in a while. It has nothing to do with being Christian or Muslim or Buddhist, it just has to do with altruism (the Ethic of Reciprocity) and another evolutionary concept called reciprocal altruism. You may not know the term, but you know what it means. Consider the elaborate dance we all do when we are out to dinner with good friends and the bill comes. Reciprocal altruism is what makes us grab the bill and try to pay it before our friends have the chance (unlike the non altruistic approach sometimes taken when we gesture that we want to pay, but we secretly do not!). Whenever I’m around Marcelo, he makes me want to be a better person (WWMD). I rethink things like this, and wonder if maybe I went a bit overboard (ya think!?) LOL.
So how does this all relate to the lady in the airport? Well, last night when I got on the plane from Portland to Los Angeles and settled into my aisle seat, I discovered the woman in the window seat was the same woman from the airport in L.A. a week earlier. As a jaded business traveler, I’m not one to make a habit of exchanging trite pleasantries with other passengers, so I settled into my book. The young man between us in the middle seat had his iPod on very loudly, and was tapping his hands on his legs and shaking his knees, all while shaking the armrests on both sides. This was happening before the plane even took off. I was starting to get really annoyed, and tried to shoot him a few darting glances to express my dissatisfaction.
The Christian lady though, tapped him on the shoulder and motioned for him to take out his earphones. She then proceeded to very calmly ask him if he was OK, because his actions were really upsetting her. She asked him if he was nervous about flying and he said he was not. She told him that his twittering and jumpiness were quite disturbing, and he replied “Oh really?”. At first I thought he was going to be rude to her. But she then went on to say that if he was jumping around like that because he was truly nervous about flying, then it was OK for him to continue (!), otherwise she hoped he could sit a little more still. He said that he was just “into the music” and she jokingly said, “Oh, then you’re just grooving”. Since she looked somewhat like Aretha Franklin, she could pull that phrase off.
“Wow”, I thought to myself. Never in a million years would I have thought to handle it that way. I thought of Marcelo and of reciprocal altruism and of my initial reactions to this woman, both the week before and now. I should also say that she was extremely overweight, which selfishly made me glad that I wasn’t in the middle seat. (baby-steps Carey). The story had an almost happy ending, except for the fact that the guy was still not able to completely suppress his fidgeting. He must have been truly nervous and somewhat oblivious. (I realized he may have been a few fries short of a Happy Meal when he took out his digital camera and reached over the woman and tried to take pictures out the window with the flash on. He kept looking at the images and wondering why they just looked like a big flash of light. LOL). Luckily it was only a 2 hour flight. I learned a lesson though, and was grateful that my moral tuneup from Marcelo helped me recognize that lesson.
Here’s one last Jib/Jab from our trip that Christine sent today. It’s of me, Marcelo, Emily, Drew & Christine, doing the can can, because we can can can! Moulin Rouge dancers, eat your heart out!!
We had a great day today. I haven’t been to bed before 5:30 AM one night this week, and we’re supposed to get up early tomorrow to drive to the Oregon coast, so I’ll be brief. Today’s photos are from Thanksgiving dinner and our walk along Waterfront Park today. Then we headed to the Christmas tree lighting ceremony in Pioneer Square. After that, we hit the famous Voodoo Doughnuts (the magic is in the hole) for their famous Maple & Bacon doughnuts and of course the infamous Cock & Balls (triple cream filled). Next stop, Powell’s Bookstore, the largest independent bookstore in the world! From there we headed up to the West Hills and Washington Park and the Rose Garden, before strolling through Northwest 23rd Ave. and heading home for doughnuts, leftover turkey & ham, Journey and disco dancing! LOL
Carey & Patrick
Drew, Christine & Wiley
The laptop brigade
Paging Martha Stewart
Yes, we’re very tired, but the oven pancakes were worth getting up for!
This “poem” is obviously filled with many inside jokes, but suffice it to say it is quite representative of our “GLY” group of friends from all over the world. Apologies in advance to Clement Clarke Moore.
‘Twas the night before turkey, and all through the ‘Couve, GLY’ers were happy, getting into their groove. The turkey was ordered fromSafewaywith care, In hopes that Tom, Cathy & Patrick soon would be there.
Bassam was nestled all snug in his bed, While visions of gluten free pumpkin pie danced in his head. And Emily in her leopard pants, and I in my trendy cap, Blogging till all hours, while everyone napped.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, We sprang from our futons to see what was the matter. And what to our wondering eyes did appear, But an angel Quandetta, and 8 tiny reindeer.
More rapid than Plato, her coursers they came, And she whistled, and shouted, and called them by name. Now Bine, now Eva, Carolina and Youenn, On Joelle, on Mick, and the rest of you loons.
She was chubby and plump, A right jolly old elf. And I smiled when I saw here, In spite of myself.
She spoke not a word, But went straight to her work. Spreading the GLY message, Then turned with a jerk.
And by saying, “Quandetta, we ARE the dates”, This wonderful woman sealed all of our fates. As an angel she may now look down from above, And see a group of great friends in their Seasons of Love.
Marble & Wiley
The campus of Washington State where Marcelo teaches
Greetings from the Rose City. As some of you know, Marcelo & Emily moved here recently, and a bunch of us from our GLY group have decided to converge on them for Thanksgiving. Bassam arrived tonight, and Tom, Cathy, Patrick, Vonda, Nate & Bianca are coming Thursday.
In my old job I used to come to this city once a month for 13 years, so it was great coming back for the first time in several years. I spent the whole afternoon at my old office visiting many good friends. This is a stunningly beautiful city full of trendy hipsters and a vibrant cultural scene. It’s 3:00 AM and we’re all still up talking, so I’m just going to post some photos and a couple of videos and get back to the party!
Marcelo & Emily aren’t big TV watchers! This is their only television and it has rabbit ears!!
Only in Portland…we found this duo in the Apple store in Pioneer Place
I had the nicest email from Mick tonight when I got home. She and Miggl are in India heading towards Tibet. God’s speed my friend, God’s speed.
From: MichaelaSent: Wednesday, September 19, 2007 10:12 PMTo: CareySubject: dear friend Beloved Carey: Thanks for your Email – very interesting, but we have no clue who was searching for us … but sooner or later we’ll know it ) Miggl and I are travelling in Northern India at the moment – since a month we are in ladakh also called “little tibet”. tomorrow we are leaving for pakistan where we try to drive the karakorum highway (the old silk road) to kashgar/china and from there we want to travel into Tibet … so far nothing is sure as we don’t know how safe the situation is in northern pakistan and if we make it to kashgar it’s not sure if we can enter the Tibetan Autonomous Region from the north west … but you know that it is my life long dream to go to the heart of Tibet, to Mt. Kailash and it is soooo great that Miggl also could take three month off and we can travel together … As Internet access here is not so easy and teaches you a lesson in patience (all the buddhist way )) I have to finish my short report now. I am always thinking of you and your all the time in my heart – everywhere I go. I miss you and hope to see you very, very soon … Big, big hugs and kisses and a lot of hugs from miggl as well … by the way, the Tibetan guys are real beauties (and cuties at the same time )), God love you, take care,Mick
Greetings from San Diego. It’s late, and since I went to bed at 5 this morning and woke up at 7:30, I’m tired, even by my standards. We had a nice drive down here, and a delicious sushi dinner in the Gaslamp Quarter, followed by hot fudge sundaes at Ghiradelli’s. I ate way too much, as I always do at these events. I’ve known all these people for nearly 20 years though, so it’s a great chance to get together and reminisce about the old days when were all younger, thinner and better looking. LOL Here are some photos from today. Night night. <yawn>
And for Kimberly, who was begging to know the “Song of the Day”, I’ve decided to make it the “Video of the Day” and let her reminisce about performing it on stage (It’s an oldie, but a goodie!)
And just because I love it so much, click below for Marcelo’s version which he played and sang for my birthday.
I can’t thank you enough for your thoughtfulness yesterday. All I can say is that it is an honor to know each and every one of you. The words to this song say it better than I can:
We are a family like a giant tree branching out towards the sky, we are a family we are so much more than just you and I we are a family like a giant tree, growing stronger, growing wiser, we are growing free..we need you..we are a family…
Bassam, if I am a naughty, nasty, bad boy, then I’m in good company with you and Bill Clinton (and now good ole’ Larry Craig): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_Vs5570pKw
Carolina, if I’m the glue, you are the varnish. I hope we’re able to spend more time together this year.
Hugo! What can I say? You’re the Keats to my Yeats, the Stones to my Beatles, one of the truest, brightest shining stars on this planet. Your words as always are overwhelming, and I look forward to the next 15 years.
Bine, lovely wife. Even though you’re cheating on me with another man, you remain my first love It is you, with your selfless passion and your kind soul that reminds me every day how to be a better person. I love you. (You too, Alan)
Drizinha – The little sister I never had. You are an integral part of this family, and you bring so much to our lives. Though you are thousands of miles away, your light shines brighter than the Brazilian sun.
Mom & Dad Diversi, I don’t know that you know how much it means to me when you write me notes, in English no less. I feel as welcome in your home as I do in my own, and that is a true testament to what wonderful loving parents you are. My fondest memories in life, are in your back yard with good food and good friends.
Beate & Matthias, since you entered our lives we have learned so much. We have learned what true love looks like, and I have learned to take better pictures! For all of that, I thank you.
Sweet Joelle, I too treasure our friendship. As fellow Chicagoans we have always been kindred spirits. I will be here to hold your hand as you slowly enter the 21st century!
Claudio, you are my oldest friend (not that kind of oldest, but Happy Birthday to YOU too!), and though we seldom see each other, the laughter we share whenever we are together will last a lifetime. See you in the nursing home. Practice your cartwheels (and your English).
Emily, our junior member! Your poise and grace are the perfect complement to your husband’s samba flare! I’ve so enjoyed getting to know you and your family, and I’m so glad you’re in our lives.
Beautiful Eva, you speak from personal experience. Of the literally thousands of photos I’ve taken of you, I don’t have any without a smile on your face (save for one blurry moment in Seville years ago) I am honored to share my stage with you and hold your hand always.
Vonda, Vonda, Vonda – what can I say? You said it all in your own inimitable style! Thank you for being the mother of of this far flung flock. You’re so very good at that.
Tom & Cathy – How wonderful it was to see you last weekend. Your son is the testament to a life well lived and a love that makes us all gush. I look forward to many more visits to your palatial gypsy homes!
And last, but certainly not least, Marcelo, my brother. You pulled off the coup of the century. Who would have thought that the least organized member of our family would be the driving force in a tribute that paled in comparison to anything I’ve ever done. You have taught me tolerance, kindness and compassion. Your music and passion are always in fashion. You were the impetus 10 years ago that merged people from different backgrounds, orientations and views into a cohesive family not bound by blood, but by love. How do you measure a year in the life of friends? How about love.
GLY to you all, and I’ll see you soon, somewhere, some place, some time. We are family.
Apparently my birthday messages to all of my far flung friends have not gone unnoticed, because when I woke up this morning I had been sent this wonderful PowerPoint presentation, that touched me like no other birthday gift I’ve ever received. Marcelo even recorded himself playing the guitar and singing! You’ll have to hear it to know how beautiful it is. Thank you to my fabulous friends and thanks to all of you who sent such nice birthday wishes. I’m truly touched. Thanks also to my family for such a nice time tonight and to my parents and everyone who called today. 42 isn’t bad at all! Thanks again. –Carey
GLY, friend!!!
May this day be even kinder to you…
Here is a techno-humble gift from us. Forgive my incompetence in packaging the power point slide show with the audio file I made to go along with it. Daringly, I am asking you to download the music file so you can play it in the background as you watch the slide show.
Some of us are tech-challenged. Some of us aren’t but can’t be bothered with it. But together we have the warmth of a mother’s hug… Marcelo
This is Marcelo, playing the guitar and singing “I Will Survive” Gloria Gaynor’s got nothing on Marcelo! Sorry girls (and boys), I know his accent is dreamy, but he’s happily married.
The “gang” in Brazil on New Year’s Eve
And here are a few photos from dinner with my family tonight:
Andy & Tressa
Where’s Andy?
Guess who climbed into the basketball machine??
Tommy’s toothless smile
Cole & Dar
Andy & Lisa
Jenn & Dar
ON THE LIGHTER SIDE “After a B-52 pilot flew over several U.S. states carrying nuclear warheads, the Air Force said that it would discontinue its use of MapQuest.” — Newsweek satire columnist Andy Borowitz
) Miggl and I are travelling in Northern India at the moment – since a month we are in ladakh also called “little tibet”. tomorrow we are leaving for pakistan where we try to drive the karakorum highway (the old silk road) to kashgar/china and from there we want to travel into Tibet … so far nothing is sure as we don’t know how safe the situation is in northern pakistan and if we make it to kashgar it’s not sure if we can enter the Tibetan Autonomous Region from the north west … but you know that it is my life long dream to go to the heart of Tibet, to Mt. Kailash and it is soooo great that Miggl also could take three month off and we can travel together … As Internet access here is not so easy and teaches you a lesson in patience (all the buddhist way 
It is you, with your selfless passion and your kind soul that reminds me every day how to be a better person. I love you. (You too, Alan) 
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