I had an interesting email exchange recently with about 16 of my close friends who live in different parts of the world. It involved the story of someone I met here on Xanga, a Korean woman who subscribed to my posts and commented or sent messages about them frequently. As is the Xanga custom, I always try to visit the sites and reply to people who leave comments on my site. When I first visited this woman’s site, I was struck by the beautiful photos of her baby, and said so in my comments. As the weeks went on, more comments were shared on both ends. She shared my friend Sabine’s sorrow for the friends she had lost at Virginia Tech. She even went so far as to tell me that I was like a best friend to her and a beautiful mentoring spirit on Xanga, whose posts were the highlight of her day.
Because this woman was married to a traditional Korean man, he soon became disturbed (not threatened) by the “friendships” his wife was forming with other people online. Though the husband was well aware of my situation and the fact that this was nothing more (and would never be anything more) than reading and commenting on a blog, he eventually decided to not allow her to communicate with me or anyone else he didn’t know on Xanga.
Though I was certainly flattered to be told that my writing made an impact on someone, I was also well traveled enough to recognize the cultural differences that caused such a reaction by the husband. (Many Americans can even see this clearly illustrated on the television show “Lost”.) Because I did not have anything personally invested in the situation, I tossed it out to my friends, some Korean, some American and others, mainly as an example, some might even say a humorous example, of the difference between western and eastern cultures.
The responses were varied and telling. The most interesting and informative response came from my friend David, a German citizen of Korean ancestry living in Germany. I thought it would be interesting to post in the wake of the Virginia Tech shootings and the discussions in the Korean American community about culture and perceptions of cultures. It is intended to spark a dialogue of different perspectives, which I hope it will do.
“Hi everybody!
Very interesting to see the reactions on Carey’s [sic] exchanges with the married korean woman.
Not allowing the wife to further [sic] correspond with Carey and his Xanga buddies (though this aspect was “lost in translation”, the reactions of Carey’s original email still remain, and I am referring to these very reactions), Carey’s encounter with the married south-korean woman and the reaction of her husband must undoubtedly look funny and ridiculous in western eyes.
As a Kyopo (a korean born and raised outside of Korea) Id like to give an explanation (or rather the attempt of such), why Carey’s outcome of the encounter may root far from ridicule and fun and give an insight into korean mentality.
South Korea is a very young democracy. Until 1987 it has been consistently characterised by military and/or authoritarian rule, a centralised economy and a high level of racial and cultural homogeneity. Korea’’s rapid economic development since the late 1980s has brought it into contact with new cultures and practises – from the globalisation of its economic structures to the influx of foreign migrant labourers. The [sic] inevitable process of adjusting to distinctly “modern” conditions has taken place, yet its public culture and morality still is deeply anchored in its ancient Confucian roots.
This translates, for example, in South Korea continuing to classify adultery as a criminal offence punishable by up to 2 years in prison. Not only that, once on criminal record and therefore public record also, the adultery law practically forces the termination of the marriage. And what I hear and read from Korea, the police [sic] are busy arresting cheating husbands or wifes. Most notably a famous korean actress was arrested for adultery 1 or 2 years ago and it subsequently ruined her career and social standing.
Also, the Constitutional Court (equivalent to the US Supreme Court) also declared the adultery law constitutional and necessary on moral grounds when it was appealed in 1990 and 2001.
Public display of affection like kissing or of too much skin like wearing a mini-skirt can carry harsh reactions. 10 years ago, when I studied in Korea, a colleague student of mine (also a Kyopo) went out for shopping wearing a mini-skirt and got slapped in the face and sweared at in public. Another female Kyopo was spit on when she smoked in public. I myself got slapped in the face once for addressing an older person in “simple language” (in Korea an older person always has to be addressed in “high language” as an expression of respect). In my case “older person” meant a difference in age of 4 years.
Another aspect, while studying in Korea I wasn’t able to open a bank account or get a cell phone contract due to the fact that I am a german citizen or “Alien”, how foreigners are still called in korean bureaucracy.
That was 10 years ago and the process of adjusting to distinctly “modern” conditions has of course brought changes. Changes carried mainly by the generations born after 1987. Marrying a non-korean has become socially acceptable, though it is still rare, wearing trendy and sexy outfits or females smoking in public are not uncommon anymore, and foreigners nowadays can open bank accounts or get cell phone contracts – in conjunction with a south korean citizen acting as a guarantor. And even then, foreigners receive different terms and (higher) rates.
Slapping someone for wearing a mini-skirt may not occur anymore, but it is far from being seen as appropriate behaviour by many. So called “Love Houses” are now being frequently monitored by civil groups and pictures of car license plates of visitors taken and posted on the internet. Old generations are striking back.
The adultery law, originally intended to protect the marriage, has now become a common tool to sue the cheating husband/wife for money. And I remember reading in a korean newspaper that the divorce rate in Korea has exploded beyond 50% – mainly young couples.
It is a huge stress field of the generations’ morales and values and it is a fresh one, starting 15-20 years ago.
So external “modern” influences are mainly carried by young people whose roots lie more in global brands a la Coca-Cola, Microsoft, Manchester United and Tokyo Hotel. But the large majority of the korean population is still pre-1987.
So, what does this long intro (sorry guys) have to do with Carey?
Well, Carey is a stranger, a foreigner (an american even), [sic] and he was approached by a married korean woman. Bearing in mind the examples given above giving a glimpse of korean mentality, how does the reaction of her controlling husband look like? I would say pretty modern.
I am pretty sure, there are a lot of korean husbands who would have forbidden their wifes to have any further contact with you, Carey – no offence, buddy.
Plus, a person instantly making friendships with a stranger solely based on being told that her daughter looks beautiful… I would say, the husband has his reasons to be of controlling nature…
David”
There’s not much I can add to this….it kind of speaks for itself:
Meanwhile in Baghdad:
The everyday life of the Iraqi citizen has been the great untold story of the Iraq war.
A nice, relaxing dinner at Chin Chin’s on Sunset Blvd.
Ah, the Spearmint Rhino…know it well…know it well 
Sorry ice cream….
If you live anywhere near Southern California, chances are you’ve heard of Pinkberry. Here in West Hollywood, people have been raving about it for months. I personally never cared, because I’m not really a frozen yogurt fan, and I’m really not a yogurt fan! I thought it would be a nice place to take tourists though, so we went after dinner. I must say, that all of the fuss was warranted. This stuff is good! And supposedly it’s quite good for you. Very low calories, no fat, and the freshest, juiciest fruit I’ve ever tasted. If you’re ever in this neck of the woods, let me know and we can go. But be warned, it’s like yogurt heroin!
I have a feeling Sanjaya is going to be with us a long long time. LOL. Did anyone see him on Jimmy Kimmel the other night. Jimmy asked him why, at 17, he denied that he was gay, even though no one asked him the question. He didn’t miss a beat though, and artfully dodged the question then flashed that smile of his. Celebrity is such a randomly odd phenomenon. Look at Gary Brolsma, the Numa Numa guy or the Asian Backstreet Boys or even William Hung. They’re all making more money now than most of us could ever dream of making.
Everybody comes to Hollywood, they want to make it in the neighborhood. They like the smell of it in Hollywood. How could it hurt you when it looks so good?
Christine, Jamie & Tammy continued their invasion of LA yesterday with a fun filled trip to Laguna Beach. Jennifer & Lisa took them to lunch and they spent the rest of the day lounging at the beach like supermodels. After my workday ended we all met at Bucca di Beppo and had a family dinner with 25 of us. Good times.
Today we had lunch at The Ivy, surrounded by the Hollywood elite. Harvey Weinstein was at a corner table grooming the next Angelina Jolie and negotiating his next blockbuster. We had dessert at Sprinkle’s Cupcakes in Beverly Hills. After lunch, I went back to work and Tammy & Christine went to Hollywood & Highland for some Hollywood gifts. Jamie sat by the pool and soaked up the 90° Los Angeles sunshine (since the temperature in Green Bay today was 39° this morning)
We had tickets to go to Jimmy Kimmel tonight, but the girls opted for dinner & a movie. Here are some pictures.
Despite the “fluff factor” I think you have to give American Idol credit. It’s the most popular show in the world, and this week it tried to do some good for the world (at least Africa & the U.S, which I’m sure many people around the world were surprised to learn has squalor and poverty…though maybe not, after Katrina ??)
Though tonight’s show was rather “telethonic” and overwrought with malnourished children, AIDS babies, and heart wrenching stories that made you want to donate all of your earnings to them; the East coast viewing alone brought in more than 30 million dollars. That is a figure that cannot be undersold. As long as the money ends up in the right hands, this is a good thing. I do find it a bit disconcerting that companies like Exxon and News Corp are involved. They are a huge part of much of the world’s problems, methinks. But…I guess the giving has to start somewhere, and with participation from folks like Madonna (in Malawi no less) 
and Bono to Helen Mirren and The Simpson’s….it can’t be all bad, right? 
So…as I mentioned yesterday, we had tickets to the show tonight at the Disney Concert Hall in downtown Los Angeles. Even though we had free “seat filler” tickets, they were excellent! We were about 50 feet from the stage and we all got to sit together for the full 2 hours. Last night over 70 million votes were cast for American Idol, and though I won’t reveal the results (until after the show), since many of you overseas haven’t seen it yet; suffice it to say, it was the most shocking result in Idol history (Ryan’s words, not mine). Since cameras or cell phones weren’t allowed inside the theater we took a few pictures outside. While waiting in line, we heard of a “rumored” Michael Jackson appearance. I was relatively sure that was not happening, but then I remembered that Sanjaya was gone, so they didn’t have to worry about Michael slipping him some Jesus Juice and sleeping with him. 
LOL.
The show was broadcast from 2 locations. The actual idols, with the judges and Ryan Seacrest were in their normal studio at CBS Television City. The main performances took place where we were at the stunningly beautiful and acoustic Walt Disney Concert Hall, and included:
Ellen DeGeneres as the host. She was actually quite funny, and was really loved by the crowd.
Kelly Clarkson with Jeff Beck on guitar, which was beautiful. She’s sure got some pipes.
Annie Lennox on piano, literally brought the house down with Bridge Over Troubled Water.
Josh Groban with the African Children’s Choir singing “You Raise Me Up” The kids were adorable and with the emotional stories about AIDS in Africa there wasn’t a dry eye in the house.
Il Divo, who I wasn’t particulary a fan of, sang “There’s a Place for Us” from West Side Story (one of my favorites), and I must say they sounded, and looked pretty good (since Rosie O’Donnell bought them suits that fit!)
Rascal Flats, who I had never even heard of before, probably because they’re a country band.
Earth Wind & Fire opened the show with a medley of their hits.
A couple of other observations. The crowd in the Disney Concert Hall erupted with laugher when they saw Paula on stage. Ryan made a joke about her height, but I guarantee you, no one was looking at her height, LOL.
The Jack Black bit was really quite funny and the Simpson’s appearance was great…poor Brian Dunkelman though. BTW, say what you will about androgynous little Sanjaya, but he’s certainly a good sport.
Not sure what to think of Holographic Elvis. Not a Celine fan either. I just wanted to see them hug! LOL
The Frank Gehry designed Walt Disney Concert Hall
Winter home of the L.A. Philharmonic
After Idol, we went to the Standard Hotel downtown. They have an amazing rooftop bar. We went at precisely the right time of day, and the sun was setting and the sky was that deep blue. This is my favorite time to take pictures!
I think the girls were impressed.
Waterbeds on the roof
Hard to believe they were in Green Bay, Wisconsin this morning!
My Harem
The U.S. Bank Tower at dusk.
I think any city can look beautiful at this time of day.
My favorite picture of the evening. Not bad huh Matthias?
Again….the colors. Wow.
Remember the movie Independence Day? This got blown up!
The rooftop bar of the downtown LA Standard Hotel
Night time falls.
While we were eating out skewers and mini cheeseburgers on the roof, I got a call from Tyson, asking where I was. It seems he had been invited to a red carpet premier at Hollywood & Vine. Though he could care less about that sort of thing, he knows I’m a star f***er, and wanted to invite me…bless his heart. When I told him I was with 3 girlfriends, he said he would make it work. He wasn’t even getting paid for this gig (why? because he didn’t run it by ME first! LOL). They wanted him to walk the red carpet and solve the Rubik’s Cube in his typical, though no less amazing, 15-20 seconds. We got to walk the carpet with him, and you would have thought he was Brad Pitt (no offense Tyson) with all the paparazzi screaming his name and the multitude of flashbulbs going off. Suffice it to say, look for “us” in US Magazine next week. 
Tyson doing his thing
The cheese heads on the red carpet
“Tyson, over here”, “Tyson over here”!
The money shot!
Look who got their second wind!
I love this photo. Adorable!
Can you believe the photographers? And this was a B list event, at BEST!
Their Christmas Card 
Our Christmas Card, LOL
The girls in “green screen”
Hoochie Mamas!
They certainly got a kick out of themselves!
These guys were a way cool hip hop band. Check them out at www.fareastmovement.com
Christopher McDonald from a zillion TV shows and movies.
Joey Fatone from Nsync and “Dancing With the Stars“.
Debra Jo Rupp from “That Seventies Show”.
The party was for the movie “Kickin it Old Skool” with Jamie Kennedy, though no one seemed to care!
An odd man with his dog on the dance floor.
Maria Menounos looking far too made up and later scarfing donuts like she hadn’t eaten in a week.
The incomparable Paulie Shore (OK maybe it was D list)
And there we all are pointing to ourselves in the American Idol audience.
ON THE LIGHTER SIDE
“While Simon Cowell was in Los Angeles working on ‘American Idol,’ his home in London was robbed. Police say it was the work of professional thieves, but Cowell described them as ‘amateurish and uninspired.’” — Conan O’Brien
And last, but certainly not least,
Happy Birthday Lindsay
You’re going to have to find a way to get Sabine back on her birthday!!
I don’t even like avocados, but I loved that tree! It had so much character. When the avocados were in season, people would come early in the morning to pick them up. Now that the tree is gone, I look out of my office window, and there’s nothing but a mound of dirt. We’re supposedly having a homeowner’s meeting on Tuesday to decide what to plant there, but that tree was definitely one of a kind. 
. The kid is good though. Sadly, he gave up.
) It’s not on YouTube. I can hardly wait for her 
“I Need to Wake Up” from “An Inconvenient Truth”
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