May 11, 2010

  • All Dogs Do Not Go To Heaven

    A friend of the family sent me this the other day:

    "Despite the premise of the 1980s animated film series, “All Dogs Go to Heaven,” many fundamental Christians believe that their pets have no souls. When the end of days finally arrives and Jesus returns to earth to gather up his saints, all of the believers’ beloved cats and dogs will be left behind to starve and face the apocalypse alone. So, what is a devoted pet owner and firm believer in the Rapture to do? Hire an official blasphemer and card-carrying atheist, who has been thoroughly vetted as a profane sinner with no chance of salvation according to Mark 3:29, of course! A company called Eternal Earth-Bound Pets, USA has gathered a motley crew of about 100 reprobates in 22 states, who are also animal lovers, and will rescue pets abandoned after the Rapture for a small, non-refundable fee of $110.

    Eternal Earth-Bound Pets is the brainchild of Bart Centre, 61, a retired resident of New Hampshire, who apparently became bored working part-time at the local Home Depot and decided to try something different. Why not make a buck off of the crazy Christian fundamentalists waiting for the Rapture to occur? Centre’s sales pitch, inscribed on t-shirts, coffee mugs, bumper stickers and the like says it all: “The next best thing to pet salvation in a post rapture world.”

    “If you love your pets,” says Centre, “I can’t understand how you could not consider this.”

    The Eternal Earth-Bound Pets Web site explains the simple premise of its post-rapture services:

    “You’ve committed your life to Jesus. You know you’re saved. But when the Rapture comes what’s to become of your loving pets who are left behind? Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind. We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you’ve received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.”

    Centre assures potential clients that he screens all pet rescuers to make sure they are indeed atheists and have no plans “to meet the Lord in the air” when the second coming arrives."  Read more...

     

    Man!  I wish I would have thought of that!  It's a perfect example making money off of fundamental Christianity run amok!  As the website states:

    "Once you pay your fee of $110, the rapture pet rescue contract is good for 10 years. If the rapture doesn’t come by that time, too bad. What if blasphemous loved ones are left behind and are able to care for the pets — Will they receive a refund? No. How long will it take for the atheist pet rescuers to arrive? Fluffy and Rocky will be rescued, as soon as possible, considering there will be widespread destruction and chaos":

    “Naturally, we must anticipate that there will be widespread chaos and confusion immediately following the Rapture that could impact travel times. Thus, we are targeting a maximum of between 18- 24 hours from realization of the Rapture, to animal rescue.”  Read more...

    Love it!  And seeing how the current "Rapture Index" of 173 is close to the all time high of 182, time's a ticking.  As a card carrying atheist heathen, I'm glad to know that Chazz and I will face the rapture hand in paw.


    This is a great piece on fundamentalism...Christianity has its flaws but at least I'm able to criticize the current criminal pope without fear of a fatwa!


    UPDATE:  The creator and co-owner of the website  "Eternal Earth-Bound Pets" that I refer to here, just wrote me with the following comments regarding the article I quoted.  I had a discussion with some Facebook friends about whether the company has actually collected revenue for their services, and Mr. Centre has confirmed that fact.  A true Atheist American success story!

    Carey,

    Thank you for your discussion of my post rapture pet rescue business.

    Just to correct two small errors:

    1)  We do not have "a motley crew of about 100 reprobates" rescuers in 22 states.  At the time the article was written we hat 26 rescuers in 22 states, and one-hundred paying rapture believing clients.  As of this writing, we have added 3 additional rescuers and have just under 200 clients under contract for our post rapture pet rescue service.

     2)  As for being "motley" and/ or "reprobates," actually all our rescuers are gainfully employed, have families, love pets, and have no criminal record per our criminal back ground checks.  All are financially solvent as confirmed by credit checks also conducted on all our rescuers.

    Yours in reason,

    Bart Centre

    creator / co-owner -  Eternal Earth-Bound Pets

    author-  The Atheist Camel Chronicles: Debate Themes and Arguments for the Non-Believer


    Speaking of heathens...I went to church yesterday!  No, it wasn't to pay my respects to a cosmic Jewish zombie, and no I didn't burst into flames upon entry.  I went for Tressa's First Communion.  I was there to support her and her family who I love very much.  As I've stated in this space before, going to church does bring back some fond memories of the more ritualistic things I actually used to enjoy about Catholicism.  (I was never molested by a priest...guess I wasn't cute enough.)  A few times yesterday, I found myself reciting rote responses from memory and my cousin leaned over and said "It never quite leaves you, does it?"  How true!  (Though I must admit, I felt a little queasy when they asked us to pray for the current Pedo Pusher Pope.  In my opinion that slimeball should rot in jail!)  At any rate, it was a beautiful day and Tressa looked so pretty!  She had a really great time, as the photos in the slideshow below should attest; and in the end that's what's most important!


    Sorry, couldn't resist...WARNING, you won't be able to un-see this!
    Would You Die For Your Faith?
    America's # 1 in Bibles. #37 in Infant Mortality

May 4, 2010

April 26, 2010

  • Eating Worms and Spitting Out Germs

    As I was packing today for a trip to my childhood home of Chicago, I came across a poem I had written as a child of 7, in 1972.  It was in the same suitcase I stuffed it in when I last found it two years ago.  (I'm such a packrat!)  It's good to know that my poetry hasn't improved much in all these years.  (Exhibits:  A, B, C, D, E, F)


    Toot toot indeed!

    It was a busy week at The Hotel Careyfornia.  I was dog sitting Roxy all week, and she garnered a lot of attention in West Hollywood!  A pregnant Christine, with her husband Drew and cutie pie Lance checked in on Friday.  We had a wonderful visit.  On Wednesday, we had a mini Xanga/Tumblr meetup with Sion, Jimmy, Brian & Jedd.  It was fun hanging out with all of them.  On Tuesday, Mica and I went to a free screening of a film called "Mother & Child", starring Samuel L. Jackson, Naomi Watts and Annette Benning.  It was a really powerful film, and I highly recommend it when it opens in May.  Samuel L. Jackson showed up for a Q&A afterward.  Oddly, he didn't remember me from the Vanity Fair party on Oscar Night.  LOL.  Thursday, Lisa and I took the boys for an earth day dinner at Dove Canyon.  When I asked Andy and Tommy about what Earth Day was, this was their response:

    No mention of eating worms!

    Some photos from the week:


    Mica fell in love with Roxy, and I thought she might dognap her before Dar & Gary returned from their honeymoon last night!


    Mother & Child screening with Sam Jackson at the LA Film Institute


    Xanga Ramen Night!  More photos here..


    With Tommy in Dove Canyon


    Burger night


    I like cherries!


    The last time Drew & Christine were here, Lance had just been conceived.  Who knows what will happen this time?


    Bottle brushes!


    At the Pacific Design Center, before we were asked not to take pictures.  So stupid.


    Our favorite breakfast spot


    Lance & Roxy squared


    Come back soon with your new baby brother Lance!


    Best of the rest...and more photos from the week here

April 19, 2010

  • I Married My First Cousin!

    OK, let me rephrase that.  I officiated a wedding ceremony for my first cousin yesterday. 

    The event went off without a hitch, save for me forgetting the exchange of the rings before I pronounced them husband and wife.  Minor detail.  Since I was busy performing the ceremony, there's no viral video of the event.  (I'm usually the one video recording and snapping photos at family events.  I did threaten to attach a "preacher cam" around my neck prior to the ceremony, but in the end opted for decorum.  LOL.) 

    The wedding was at Heisler Park in Laguna Beach and the whole thing took about 5 minutes.  I was warned to keep it short, as I have a tendency to be loquacious.  Even so, I did manage to work in a slight jab at Sarah Palin, by explaining to the assembled guests that because of the groom's upper Midwest vernacular, if he said "You betcha" instead of "I do", it was NOT a nod to Caribou Barbie.  I also managed to give Apple some free advertising by pulling out my iPod Touch for the official part of the ceremony, joking "There's an app for that" and hoping apple would give me a free iPad once they got wind of iVows. 

    I also threatened to sing "A Whole New World" from Aladdin...in Italian and quoted from "Rent" and La Boheme.  The reception was on Lake Mission Viejo and afterward the newlyweds checked into The Hotel Careyfornia for a 2 hour nap before their 5 AM flight to Cancun.  Today everyone is resting after a whirlwind few days.  I'm readying for the next wave of guests next weekend and then I'm off to Chicago for a week.  Congratulations to Darlene & Gary!  Thanks for asking me to marry you!

    Apologies to Clement C. Moore:

    The "favorite cousin" joke started with this trip to the same beach a few years ago.

    Some photos from the weekend:


    Friday night family party


    Tommy showing off his dance moves


    Me, filling out the marriage certificate


    Leaving for the beach


    The bride exalting in my Sarah Palin joke!

     
    Tommy, Cole, Darlene & Athena


    By the power vested in me...


    With Rebecca


    The kids loved the  limo


    With the blushing bride at the reception


    The fun table


    Cousins, aunts and Grandma


    Oreo, Shadow and Roxy were pooped


    The Honeymoon Suite of the world famous Hotel Careyfornia


    More Pre-Wedding Photos


    More Wedding Photos

     

April 13, 2010

  • Move Over Barney Fife

    ...There's a new deputy in town.  This weekend my cousin is getting married and I was honored when she and her fiance asked me to perform the ceremony.  So recently, I was "deputized" by the state of California.  This Saturday, by the power vested in me, I will pronounce them man and wife.  I had to take the following oath to become a deputy:

    As an officer of the state of California, I couldn't be seen driving an 8 year old car, so this weekend I bought a new 2010 Honda Accord EX-L.  My old Honda was never the same after that girl hit me two years ago and it's been getting progressively worse.  I don't care much about cars or how they look, but I think this suits me pretty well.  I'm having fun with the navigation system too.  I like being able to say "Find sushi" and have the car show me all of the Japanese restaurants in the area.  Now let's just hope my new deputy status can get me out of some speeding tickets!


    More photos here...


    Here's what it's like to drive down Fountain Ave. at sunset

    Later that evening Leslie and I went to The Grove to watch the first episode of the new season of Glee.  The cast showed up and it was kind of a zoo.  The episode was really good though.  I thought the show's writing was hit or miss last season.  They never quite lived up to the pilot in my opinion.  But this season does look promising!


    The cast led by the incomparable Jane Lynch.  She had the best line in the premiere episode we saw:
    Sue Sylvester: "You're the stupidest teenagers I've ever met and that's saying a lot; as I once coached a young cheerleader named Sarah Palin."


    Corey Monteith - "Finn"


    MY favorite character, Mike Chang as played by Harry Shum Jr. of LXD and Apple commercial fame!


    Click for the best of the rest...


    Spoiler Alert! Here are a few rough, unedited scenes from the premiere of the new episode of Glee airing Tuesday. Songs include: Give You Hell, Hello Hello & Don’t Stop Believin’ over the loud speakers at the end. More info on the episode can be found by clicking here.

    I also ran into Raquel Welch earlier in the week.  She looks pretty damn good for 69 years old!  As someone said, she's the "original Silicon Valley".  LOL.  She was promoting her new book, Beyond The Cleavage

    Just another beautiful week in L.A.!

April 6, 2010

  • A Man's Gotta Do What A Man's Gotta Do

    Apologies to Clement C. Moore:

     

    It's amazing how much the kids have changed from just last EasterChazz however, hasn't changed much.  He's still as rambunctious as ever.  Though I'm pleased to inform you that the reports of the Easter Bunny's death, have been greatly exaggerated:

    We had a nice weekend.  Andy climbed his first tree on Friday and in the process created the title of this blog entry:

    On Saturday we colored eggs and on Easter Sunday we hit Laguna Beach to scout the spot where I'll be performing Darlene & Gary's wedding ceremony in two weeks.  It's a beautiful location!  Just after we left the beach, the earthquake struck.  Though it wasn't The Great Quake of '09, it was long and rolling.  I've never felt an earthquake while driving.  It was like going over hills even though it was flat.  I thought my transmission was dropping out!


    More weekend photos, here, here, here and here...

     

April 1, 2010

  • It's Time for ME to Retreat and Reload

    Today, April 1, 2010 is a big day for me.  It represents a paradigm shift.  A change of hearts, of sort.  Since August 29, 2008, the day Sarah Palin was announced as John McCain's running mate; I have dedicated more than 25 blog entries about the dangers of this woman ever holding public office.  While we're not exactly dating yet; the times, they are a changing:


    Thanks to Tony for another excellent movie posterDate Night opens April 9th!

    What you don't know is that exactly one year ago today (not to be confused with two years ago today) I received a letter from Ms. Palin's Political Action Committee, SarahPAC.  Due to a mutual non-disclosure agreement, I've had to keep that letter and its contents secret for the past year, but today I'm ready to announce some big news that I alluded to in my last blog entry

     

    After much meditation and prayer; and consultation with clergy, I have decided that Sarah Palin WAS RIGHT!!  We are all Americans and we must stand together to fight tyranny and embrace our common values.  This was the most difficult decision I have ever had to make, but in the end I know it was the right decision.  I am in New York City today to begin production consulting on a new, bipartisan production of Sarah Palin's Alaska.  This isn't the same show you've heard being shopped by the Discovery Channel.  The show I will be part of, will be simulcast on The Learning Channel and the Food Network.  We've put together a teaser promo.  It's rough, and we still don't have the laugh track worked out, but you get the idea:

    Initially the show will be targeted to the 20 states that Sarah herself has identified as needing a more bipartisan bang for their buck, as shown in this map that she also used to shoot off her radically innovative health care initiative.  I like to think of it as an Al Quaeda Christmas card :

    "We're aiming for success in these markets and many others." Palin said, and I for one am on board!  YES I CAN!  I hope my loyal readers understand that this is really for the good of the country.  By showing America that a liberal atheist like myself can cross the aisle and embrace our common AmeriCAN-ness, there's hope for all of us.  Are you listening Glenn Beck?

March 29, 2010

  • Look Ma, No Photoshop!

    We had a great weekend in the San Francisco Bay area.  Bassam, Bine and I drove up Friday, and arrived at Tom & Cathy's oceanfront home just as the party was getting started.  Youenn flew in from Boston and Mariana graced us with her presence all weekend.  Risa & Luis invited us to a most amazing brunch in the Castro on Sunday; and with our stomachs full and our hearts happy, Bassam and I drove back to Santa Barbara.  Bine flew back to Germany last night, but she'll be back in LA in May.  It was a whirlwind 9 days with little sleep, but our GLY Gang had a great reunion, as the photos will attest.  Speaking of photos, have you seen the new "Content Aware" feature of the new Photoshop?  Watch the video on the left first, and prepare to be amazed.  The video on the right takes it to a whole other level.  I actually don't use or know how to use Photoshop.  If I did, I would probably never leave the computer.  I use Picasa to edit my photos.  I typically crop them and remove the red eyes.  Sometimes I'll saturate them, but lately since I got my new camera, I haven't had to.  I do sometimes use the graduated tint filter if the sky is too bright, and I will occasionally warmify flesh tones.  That's about the extent of my editing capabilities.  Nothing like this:

        
    Photoshop's new "Content Aware" and "Clean my room and make me a sandwich" features

    Saturday morning, Patrick and I had a treasure hunt.  Take a look at the video:

    Click play to watch Patrick find oceanside treasures

    Here are a few of the weekend photos.  I'll be in New York later this week and may have some exciting news on Thursday.  Keep your fingers crossed  for me and stay tuned!


    Another beautiful sunset from Tom & Cathy's back yard


    Playing a new form of tag with Patrick


    Body by Patrick


    Self portrait at 2 AM in the back yard


    4 hours later, we were up


    And breakfast was served


    Mariana playing with the kids


    Seaside rock collecting


    Buddies


    Sun roof photo while heading to brunch in San Francisco, approaching Dolores Park


    The brunch menu included:  Jalapeno Avocado Soup, Torta Rustica, Shrimp Etouffe, Arroz con Pollo, Pan Perdue & Strawberry Rhubarb Tart!


    The Mission in Santa Barbara


    Photo fun with Patrick.  Click for more...


    Best of the rest...

March 23, 2010

  • This is What Change Looks Like

    "Tonight, we answered the call of history as so many generations of Americans have before us. When faced with crisis, we did not shrink from our challenge -- we overcame it. We did not avoid our responsibility -- we embraced it. We did not fear our future -- we shaped it." President Barack Obama

    We got home from Santa Barbara last night just as the President was finishing his remarks.  Though the debate rages on via my Facebook page (thanks to both the Davids); real reform is on its way.  After this vile display last week, it's pretty clear that the Republicans and the racist teabaggers really thought this was all about welfare:

    Sunset in Santa Barbara last night

    Anyway, we had a great weekend with very little sleep.  Bine and Lindsay arrived Friday night along with Carolina, Eva, Vonda, Nate, Bianca and Julia.   We had 9 people sleeping in my little condo, so it was similar to this.  Saturday we went to Claudio & Ryan's for a Brazilian barbecue.  Sunday we spent a hazy day at the beach in Santa Barbara before dropping Marcelo off at the airport.  Two hours later, I got a text that there had been a small plane crash in Santa Barbara, and Marcelo was being shuttled to LAX.  So off to the airport again I went, and we had him for another night!  Everyone woke up at 5 this morning, and we were on our way back to the airport at 5:30 AM.  Next weekend, Bassam, Bine and I will head up to Tom & Cathy's in San Francisco to see little Patrick and Youenn (who I haven't seen since we traversed the Alps last summer!) and Mariana.  Should be another great weekend!  Here are this past weekend's photos:


    Who knew Chazz was part giraffe and part Scooby Doo?

     
    The gang at LAX and The Hotel Careyfornia


    No caption needed!


    Lindsay & Chazz


    Ryan & Chazz


    Good food, good friends


    Bassam finally showed up!


    Up on the roof


    Eva's neighbor's front yard in Santa Barbara


    Chazz & Riley the herbivore


    The haze cleared when we went to campus


    One last supper


    Before heading back to Los Angeles


    Best of the rest...

March 16, 2010

  • Let The Sun Shine...In The Beginning

    I'm starting to get the hang of my new camera, and like it more each day.  Yesterday, we celebrated Colby's 9th birthday at Knott's Berry Farm (America's first and oldest theme park) and the kids really had a great time.  This was my favorite shot of the day:


    For a full screen version, click hereEven though Colby wasn't smiling, I didn't use this. LOL

    I didn't do anything special...just waited for the light to be right, and used a manual setting at 1/60 of a second, 200 ISO, F 2.8, average white balance, and Canon's vivid color setting.  I'm admittedly still leaning how to use some of the touch screen's focus and balance features.  I haven't even played with the blink detection yet, though it seems like more of a gimmick; along with the smile detection.  I wonder if they will ever add any of these features??


    LOL

    By the way, this was my first camera ever.  I got it from my aunt when I was 8 years old in 1973.  It cost $9.95, and I still have it.  I don't remember what film and flash bulbs cost back then...not to mention developing.  I'll have to dig out some of the photos I took with this camera and show you guys some time.  They weren't bad!

     

    I'll have a lot more practice later this week, as we're having another mini-GLY reunionSabine is flying in from Germany and Marcelo and Emily and Vonda & Nate are coming down, along with a few other surprises.  Should be a very busy visit, but we're all looking forward to it.  Here are a few more photos from yesterday.  Enjoy!


    I got soaked on the log ride!

     
    Tommy went on his first big roller coaster and wasn't too sure at first; but he eventually loved it, as did his friends!


    Snoopy, Colby & Carey


    The birthday boy


    6 boys and 1 tomboy


    The money shot


    More of Shane's crazy California hair


    Taking the birthday train


    More fun shots


    Best of the rest of the 172 photos!